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2009 Winter Video Roundup, Vol. III

3/1/09

"Captain Blood"

I have never seen any Errol Flynn movies, so I started with his most famous, the period slave drama "Captain Blood."  Many people believe this to be a pirate/seafaring adventure, and eventually, it becomes that...but, for an hour, it is not unlike "Amistad" mixed with any episode of "24", complete with torture, branding of slaves, and a female lead actress who looks great but can't act worth a damn.  (But, I digress.)  Strangely, the movie is actually better BEFORE Flynn-as-Blood takes to the high seas, where the Blood character--an Irish doctor who was a former soldier and is an intellectual who can speak at least three languages, none of which features an Irish accent--is so ridiculous perfect and so perfectly played by Flynn that you forgive the film for so many impossibilities.  Better than I thought it was going to be, but the swordfights still come off corny by today's standards.

Rating:  $9.50 Show

"Reservation Road"

Yep, another indie film pick-me-up--a man's son is killed in a hit-and-run accident and suffers in agonizing pain for the rest of the film.  The man who lost the son is played well by Joaquin Phoenix; his wife is played by Jennifer Connelly, also excellent; the hit-and-run killer is played by Mark Ruffalo, who has to be at least kind of like this guy in real life, since he has played the tortured soul in so many other films it is almost getting old hat to watch Ruffalo act.  The movie is a downer, but it's a lively downer, flipping constantly between the two leads and throwing in a hefty number of conveniences to keep things flowly slightly better than the ho-hum (oh, look! Phoenix's lawyer just happens to be...Ruffalo!  oh, look!  Everyone's kids go to the same school and have the same teachers and all take the same music class!).  Based on a novel, "Reservation Road" has some powerful emotional moments, but overall, it never really hooked me.

Rating:  Matinee

"Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins"

Another run where I knew the proceedings might not be top-notch, I decided to catch this one because the cast was loaded--Martin Lawrence, Michael Clarke Duncan, Mo'Nique, Mike Epps, James Earl Jones and Cedric the Entertainer.  But, as "WHRJ" goes from family comedy to profanity-laden family comedy to a comedy with a romantic angle, it gets worse/more predictable, and by the end, you are constantly checking the clock to make sure you're not missing anything that might be more interesting.  Some good laughs--and, Mike Epps and Cedric generally have the good bits--keep this going, and for at least half an hour, I found myself intrigued by the Lucinda character (played by Nicole Ari Parker), because I just could not remember how I recognized her.  It never came to me.

Rating:  Rental

"Run, Fatboy, Run"

I fell asleep during "Run, Fatboy, Run."  Why?  It wasn't funny, it was predictable, and it continued my running commentary on Thandie Newton--why is someone who is scary thin and not a terribly effective actress gone from major initial promise ("M:I-2") to near-extinction?  This comedy even features a premise that will offend sensible people--after a man (Simon Pegg) leaves his PREGNANT fiancée (Newton) on their wedding day, he attempts after five years to get back together with her, as she navigates her already-happy life with a smart, successful, marathon-running new husband (Hank Azaria).  Uh, really?  I've heard of second chances, but this?  There's a reason why no one ever talks about this movie.

Rating:  Hard Vice

"Away From Her"

Telling the story that no one wants to tell--about what happens to us when we get too old to take care of ourselves--Sarah Polley wrote and directed this incredible film about a romance between two people married for more than 40 years, and what happens when one of them begins to develop Alzheimer's.  Julie Christie was nominated for an Oscar for her work in this film, and Gordon Pinchet plays the husband who hangs on for dear life after committing his wife to an assisted living institution in their native Canada.  Well shot, well acted, and well written, this is one of those few movies that tries to tell a story honestly without reaching for any of those familiar film devices that power 90% of these types of films.  Sure, it's not a pick-me-up, but that doesn't mean you should pass this up.

Rating:  Opening Weekend

"Rome", Season One (12 one-hour episodes)

On the advice of many others, I finally got around to this HBO series that had a two-season run a couple of years ago; eh.  "Rome" is like a famous shampoo: lather, random execution/murder, random nudity/sex scene, use the word slave or whore, rinse, repeat.  This is fine for the first five or six episodes, but I found myself following the show waiting for that Brutus guy to kill that Caesar guy, and the moments in-between were very uneven.  The two leads (played by Kevin McKidd and Ray Stevenson, the latter of whom recently did "Punisher: War Zone") are good, but the rest of the cast lacks nearly everything, except for Ciaran Hinds as Caesar, but of course, he's a goner by the end of the first season.  Not bad, but I was hoping for a lot more intrigue.

Rating:  Matinee

"Bug"

My cousin Ron watched this in theaters back in '06, and all this time later, I had to know--why the hell was "Bug" so strange?  And, talk about going from zero to crazy...Ashley Judd and Michael Shannon star as two people who meet at an Oklahoma bar, get to know each other, and then go completely insane.  Now, as strange as the movie was, even I had to admit that Shannon was balls-out great as the drifter who believes bugs have invaded his blood stream...no one really does wacko better than Shannon, who was nominated for an Oscar for last year's "Revolutionary Road."  But, the film just feels pointless and we never get a good resolution on what is happening...in the moment, that's fine, but when the credits roll, you'll be angry.

Rating:  Rental

"City of Men"

As a big fan of the Fernando Meirelles film "City of God", I knew I had to see the film "City of Men", based in part on his original film and a TV series in Brazil.  (Meirelles also directed "The Constant Gardener.")  Unfortunately, "City of Men" never touches the first film because it isn't nearly as violent, shocking, funny, well-filmed or flat-out interesting, even if I liked the predictable story arc between a boy who grows up in the ghetto without a father and the father, who has just gotten out of prison when we meet him mid-film.  Now I want to watch "City of God" again just to remember why I loved it so much!!

Rating:  Rental

 

Comments?  Drop me a line at justin@bellviewmovies.com.

 

Bellview Rating System:

"Opening Weekend":  This is the highest rating a movie can receive.  Reserved for movies that exhibit the highest level of acting, plot, character development, setting...or Salma Hayek.  Not necessarily in that order. 

"$X.XX Show":  This price changes each year due to the inflation of movie prices; currently, it is the $9.50 Show.  While not technically perfect, this is a movie that will still entertain you at a very high level.  "Undercover Brother" falls into this category; it's no "Casablanca", but you'll have a great time watching.  The $9.50 Show won't win any Oscars, but you'll be quoting lines from the thing for ages (see "Office Space"). 

"Matinee":  An average movie that merits no more than a $6.50 viewing at your local theater.  Seeing it for less than $9.50 will make you feel a lot better about yourself.  A movie like "Blue Crush" fits this category; you leave the theater saying "That wasn't too bad...man, did you see that Lakers game last night?" 

"Rental":  This rating indicates a movie that you see in the previews and say to your friend, "I'll be sure to miss that one."  Mostly forgettable, you couldn't lose too much by going to Hollywood Video and paying $3 to watch it with your sig other, but you would only do that if the video store was out of copies of "Ronin."  If you can, see this movie for free.  This is what your TV Guide would give "one and a half stars." 

"Hard Vice":  This rating is the bottom of the barrel.  A movie that only six other human beings have witnessed, this is the worst movie I have ever seen.  A Shannon Tweed "thriller," it is so bad as to be funny during almost every one of its 84 minutes, and includes the worst ending ever put into a movie.  Marginally worse than "Cabin Boy", "The Avengers" or "Leonard, Part 6", this rating means that you should avoid this movie at all costs, or no costs, EVEN IF YOU CAN SEE IT FOR FREE!  (Warning:  strong profanity will be used in all reviews of "Hard Vice"-rated movies.)