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2009 Summer Video Roundup, Vol. III

8/14/09

"Tell No One"

A French film about a doctor, his wife's murder, his wife's possible kidnapping, his wife's possible asylum, and a secret cover-up including an equestrian rider, shady government guys, and two thugs who steal DVD players?  Even now, I can't figure out who came up with a script this random, but somehow, this was a strangely interesting, fun thriller.  You've got to put up with the subtitles, but if you can suck it up, this is actually a film worth renting.

Rating:  $9.50 Show

"Days of Glory"

This 2006 French entry was nominated for Best Foreign Film at the Oscars; while certainly not "Saving Private Ryan", it doesn't try to be by just giving us a simple, subtle yet interesting twist on the bevy of World War II films you've already seen--this is told from the perspective of four North African recruits to the French side of the Allied forces, and their opinions of not only fighting a war but fighting it for a country that has already done a good job of alienating them was cool, not quite fascinating.  The battle sequences are average, and naturally, we get some of the stock war clichés that litter the genre (one soldier has the one-night stand with a woman he'll never see again, or a guy that has loses a brother and screams to the sky with hilarious yelps of "WHY!!!!").  But, "Days of Glory" is just worthy enough to get consideration if you are flying around on IFC or pay cable one day and want to get another perspective.

Rating:  $9.50 Show

"Them" (2006)

Remade into "The Strangers" last year in the U.S., this French film set in Romania features a happy couple spending a night at their weekend home when terror strikes, in the form of some people bent on the couple's demise.  It presents an interesting scenario, but like "The Strangers" really only scares you or shocks you in a couple of scenes, and at 77 minutes long, it's strangely about an hour too long.  Eh.

Rating:  Hard Vice

"London"

How bad is "London"?  The film features Jessica Biel, Jason Statham, Chris Evans, Isla Fisher, and Dane Cook...and, STILL, no one wanted to show this thing in theaters.  Case closed!

Rating:  Hard Vice

"The Painted Veil"

I know that "The Painted Veil" was pretty good because it kept my attention despite a set-up where I said something out loud along the lines of "yep, this is probably one of those blah, then blah, then blah" movies (not to give anything anyway) and then I was right.  A majority of that is a) the lush cinematography, which was excellent; b) Naomi Watts is watchable in nearly everything, and c) the guy that played Colonel Yu is the same guy who played the lead bad guy in "Hard Boiled."  "The Painted Veil" was interesting and even though I didn't like its final frames, I thought it was a nice ride.

Rating:  $9.50 Show

"Stomp the Yard"

Even though I think this genre is completely and totally played out, I liked "Stomp the Yard" for knowing exactly what it should be--a blacks-on-campus throwdown with great dancing, great music, a half-dozen scenes where (in a black theater, mind you) you will look at your buddy and say "DAMN!!!", and the complete and total objectification of women.  I mean, really, that's what you signed on for, and that's what you get...it's a good-looking film that has a sick number of good-looking men (Columbus Short, Laz Alonso, Brian White, Darrin Henson) and not one, but two singers-turned-dancers in Chris Brown and Ne-Yo.  Frankly, I didn't even know what Ne-Yo looked like until this movie, which shows you what I know about popular R&B these days!  Meagan Good is in this film for exactly one reason and she knocks that reason right out of the park; a great rental but the movie doesn't blaze any trails.

Rating:  $9.50 Show

 

Comments?  Drop me a line at justin@bellviewmovies.com.

 

Bellview Rating System:

"Opening Weekend":  This is the highest rating a movie can receive.  Reserved for movies that exhibit the highest level of acting, plot, character development, setting...or Salma Hayek.  Not necessarily in that order. 

"$X.XX Show":  This price changes each year due to the inflation of movie prices; currently, it is the $9.50 Show.  While not technically perfect, this is a movie that will still entertain you at a very high level.  "Undercover Brother" falls into this category; it's no "Casablanca", but you'll have a great time watching.  The $9.50 Show won't win any Oscars, but you'll be quoting lines from the thing for ages (see "Office Space"). 

"Matinee":  An average movie that merits no more than a $6.50 viewing at your local theater.  Seeing it for less than $9.50 will make you feel a lot better about yourself.  A movie like "Blue Crush" fits this category; you leave the theater saying "That wasn't too bad...man, did you see that Lakers game last night?" 

"Rental":  This rating indicates a movie that you see in the previews and say to your friend, "I'll be sure to miss that one."  Mostly forgettable, you couldn't lose too much by going to Hollywood Video and paying $3 to watch it with your sig other, but you would only do that if the video store was out of copies of "Ronin."  If you can, see this movie for free.  This is what your TV Guide would give "one and a half stars." 

"Hard Vice":  This rating is the bottom of the barrel.  A movie that only six other human beings have witnessed, this is the worst movie I have ever seen.  A Shannon Tweed "thriller," it is so bad as to be funny during almost every one of its 84 minutes, and includes the worst ending ever put into a movie.  Marginally worse than "Cabin Boy", "The Avengers" or "Leonard, Part 6", this rating means that you should avoid this movie at all costs, or no costs, EVEN IF YOU CAN SEE IT FOR FREE!  (Warning:  strong profanity will be used in all reviews of "Hard Vice"-rated movies.)