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2009 Spring Video Roundup, Vol. I

4/7/09

"Bigger, Faster, Stronger"

Meg and I love movies about steroids!  Okay, seriously--we do love movies where men and women talk profusely about getting jacked up, ahem, "the old-fashioned way", when everyone took steroids and most have lived to tell about it.  This documentary details major news items as well as individual effects some steroid users went through, but the main story deals with a family of three brothers who had varying degrees of success using over-the-counter and illicit steroids.  Chris Bell, the film's director and lead interviewer, scored interviews and random run-ins with nearly everyone tied to the current controversy behind steroids, from government officials to former wrestling champions to somebody referred to as The Governator.  Sounds like a winner, and in action, it's good stuff.

Rating:  Opening Weekend

"SherryBaby"

What can I say?  "SherryBaby" is like many of the recent A-or-B-list actress plays an overweight/coked-out/recovering addict movies; this time, it's Maggie Gyllenhaal as the just-released-from-prison Sherry, who has a bit of a problem with the five-finger discount, if you know what I mean...this cost Sherry three years in the slammer, and now she's trying to reconnect with her now-five-year-old child while living in a halfway house and getting bent over railings by former criminals, dirty employment managers and possibly even her own father!  Yeah, it's drama on overdrive...too bad this has been done 87 times in the last five years alone, most of which did it better.

Rating:  Rental

"The Last Kiss"

Zach Braff's 2006 comedy-drama about relationships that are in question did present some interesting issues; I thought that its main problem was telling the story of four friends who are all having exactly one problem all at the same time--is commitment right for them as they all turn 30?  Couldn't one of them have, say, a problem at work, or couldn't one of them have a relative fighting cancer?  No, it was all shades of the same thing, so on the one hand, it's provocative; on the other hand, it's heavy-handed and the drama is dialed up to the nth degree.  There were a couple of good laughs, and for once, I thought Casey Affleck was not awful in a motion picture.  The ending is ridiculous and drawn out and takes away from the film's previously-final 15 minutes.  Up and down...but ultimately, ehh.  It also features a soundtrack that feels indie, which is a turn-on for some people.

Rating:  Matinee

"Redbelt"

David Mamet's script of his MMA/fighting drama is so bad that the "Mamet Moments" (people repeating themselves over and over, double and triple crosses/mass conspiracy, overly-profane profanity) feel ripped off...until you realize that Mamet wrote and directed this film.  Chiwetel Ejiofor plays Mike Terry, a former military man with a jiu-jitsu studio, who has morals and values that have kept him from pursuing money in the ring during MMA bouts...but, a random shooting bring him into troubles with money and enter the ring he must do!  Features all the Mamet regulars, like Joe Mantegna, Rebecca Pidgeon, David Paymer, Ricky Jay and even Ed O'Neill; this film does have a few more female roles than most Mamet films, but all of them are still not written well.  I kinda want to watch "Glengarry Glen Ross" again (my favorite Mamet script) to see if I still like it, because Mamet is beginning to feel a bit tired to me after having watched three or four of his films recently.

Rating:  Rental

 

Comments?  Drop me a line at justin@bellviewmovies.com.

 

Bellview Rating System:

"Opening Weekend":  This is the highest rating a movie can receive.  Reserved for movies that exhibit the highest level of acting, plot, character development, setting...or Salma Hayek.  Not necessarily in that order. 

"$X.XX Show":  This price changes each year due to the inflation of movie prices; currently, it is the $9.50 Show.  While not technically perfect, this is a movie that will still entertain you at a very high level.  "Undercover Brother" falls into this category; it's no "Casablanca", but you'll have a great time watching.  The $9.50 Show won't win any Oscars, but you'll be quoting lines from the thing for ages (see "Office Space"). 

"Matinee":  An average movie that merits no more than a $6.50 viewing at your local theater.  Seeing it for less than $9.50 will make you feel a lot better about yourself.  A movie like "Blue Crush" fits this category; you leave the theater saying "That wasn't too bad...man, did you see that Lakers game last night?" 

"Rental":  This rating indicates a movie that you see in the previews and say to your friend, "I'll be sure to miss that one."  Mostly forgettable, you couldn't lose too much by going to Hollywood Video and paying $3 to watch it with your sig other, but you would only do that if the video store was out of copies of "Ronin."  If you can, see this movie for free.  This is what your TV Guide would give "one and a half stars." 

"Hard Vice":  This rating is the bottom of the barrel.  A movie that only six other human beings have witnessed, this is the worst movie I have ever seen.  A Shannon Tweed "thriller," it is so bad as to be funny during almost every one of its 84 minutes, and includes the worst ending ever put into a movie.  Marginally worse than "Cabin Boy", "The Avengers" or "Leonard, Part 6", this rating means that you should avoid this movie at all costs, or no costs, EVEN IF YOU CAN SEE IT FOR FREE!  (Warning:  strong profanity will be used in all reviews of "Hard Vice"-rated movies.)