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2009 Spring Video Roundup, Vol. II

5/2/09

"Outsourced"

Wait--a romantic comedy that I actually liked?  What the hell is this, "Love, Actually"???  No friends, it is true--I rented "Outsourced" because of its we-moved-all-of-our-call-centers-to-India premise, and enjoyed a decent mix of laughs, Indian culture, a taste of romance that doesn't make a man like me puke, and light sociopolitical commentary about the world of moving jobs to foreign countries.  This John Jeffcoat film from '06 is fluffy, but even for someone like me who helps lots of Indians get jobs here in the US every year, there were cultural things that popped up that educated me as well.  Surprisingly entertaining even if it is wholly predictable.

Rating:  $9.50 Show

"The Contract"

Another case of movie-with-big-stars-goes-straight-to-video, "The Contract" stars Morgan Freeman as a former military man who carries out missions for the government...and, after getting into a car accident in the Washington state area prior to a hit, he somehow ends up in the forest where single father Ray Keene (John Cusack) and his son are on a weekend bonding/hiking trip.  The men must rely on each other to survive the military man's own henchmen and another hit man trying to wipe away everyone's existence.  Terrible quality, badly performed, weirdly violent action sequences and a general feeling that everyone knew this would be complete dogshit.

Rating: Hard Vice

"Flight of Fury"

Steven Seagal, who looks like Steven Seagal with 30 extra pounds, stars as the world's top Air Force pilot AND the world's top ground soldier all rolled into one person, Col. John Sands.  His mission, after breaking out of a maximum security prison where he about to have his brain washed clean?  To help the Air Force recover the X77 experimental stealth aircraft, which has been stolen by another pilot trained by Sands himself, a plot roughly akin to "Broken Arrow" in...essentially...every...single...way.  Many bad extras are slaughtered by Sands and assorted bit players; there's a completely random and totally unnecessary lesbian hookup sequence; Seagal looks like he is using a stunt double even for things like jumping onto a fence or walking up hills.  Jeez, Seagal looks like a fat fucking bastard in this movie.  You almost should watch this just to see how big the guy's gotten.

Rating: Hard Vice

"Barry Lyndon"

Trying to close the Stanley Kubrick loop of films in his canon I have not seen, I watched the first 90 minutes (uhh, the first HALF of this opus) and couldn't watch another minute.  I watched this first thing on a Saturday morning and still fell asleep twice while watching it; others claim that it has "stunning" cinematography or that it exhibits "patience" as it tells its story...uhh, no.  Ryan O'Neal is terrible as Raymond Barry, an Irishman down on his luck who works his way up the social ladder by dueling, cheating, spying, and stealing his way to the top...and, as Part II of the film opened; he was at the top of the mountain with a beautiful heiress and was set to lose it all, at which point I gave up.  This was nominated for seven Oscars, and even now, I'm not sure how this is possible; however, on the strength of Kubrick's work prior to this film (including "2001", "A Clockwork Orange", "Spartacus" and "Dr. Strangelove"), I could believe that Oscar voters lost focus when it came to the specifics of this work.  Besides, it bombed at the box office in '75 when it opened...that tells me that the people knew SOMETHING was up, like I learned while watching!

Rating: Hard Vice

"When the Levees Broke" (four one-hour specials)

Spike Lee's 2006 HBO doc on Katrina, New Orleans culture, insurance companies, George W. Bush, FEMA, stubborn locals and local politics was great, even if it was a bit scattershot in terms of what it tries to take aim at.  When it was about Katrina and the days immediately preceding or following that 2005 catastrophe, the film is incredible and devastating.  The other bits were sometimes hokey, sometimes interesting, sometimes funny, sometimes heavy-handed.  The constants throughout are strong interviews with local citizens wronged by Katrina and FEMA in particular, as well as great still photography and lots of great music.  I am just now removed enough from Katrina that "When the Levees Broke" takes me back to remind me that if you think you won't get fucked by your government eventually, you are dead wrong.

Rating: $9.50 Show

"The Taking of Pelham One Two Three" (1974)

In prep for the upcoming remake of this film, I wanted to see the old version; not bad.  Walter Matthau plays the head of the NYC Transit Authority and his task is a tricky one--an Englishman (Robert Shaw, who did "The Sting" before this and "Jaws" afterwards) takes 17 hostages on a subway train and wants a million bucks as a ransom for the passengers, but even if the city pays the ransom, how are the bad guys going to get away while stuck in a subway tunnel?  The film is a little crafty and certainly gets a lot of mileage from its profanity-laden script, but in the end, it was a little blah.  Here's hoping that the upcoming Denzel/Travolta version spices things up a bit!

Rating: Matinee

"Deliver Us From Evil"

So, let's recap--a dirty priest molests a young girl in central California.  The bishop of the diocese, who learns that his priest has actually WRITTEN A LETTER OF APOLOGY to the girl (confirming the allegations made later), decides that it would not be best to report this to police, or ban him from the church and send him to a monastery...nope, they send him to another parish.  Uhh, 54 miles away.  This pattern is repeated throughout an extraordinary eight-year period that director Amy Berg profiles in her Oscar-nominated documentary about not only this priest, but the Catholic Church as a whole.  Great stuff, no matter which way you lean, because former pastor Oliver O'Grady is a fascinating subject who fully acknowledges his laundry list of issues.  So, why doesn't the Church?

Rating:  Opening Weekend

"My Country, My Country"

I have watched so many Iraq-themed documentaries that this film--despite the obvious fact that it is not another rag on U.S. atrocities committed by our government and its military minions--probably did not get enough of my attention when I put the DVD in the player.  In fact, the story of the 2005 political elections in Iraq is a unique story to tell, especially from the perspective of a man named Dr. Riyadh who is running on behalf of the small Iraqi Islamic Party.  At times, "My Country, My Country" held my attention, but mainly, I was a little baffled that there was not more American bashing.  I mean, isn't that what documentary films are SUPPOSED to do in cases like this?  Who tells invigorating grassroots tales of local politics in a war-torn country??  I mean, jeez.

Rating:  Matinee

 

Comments?  Drop me a line at justin@bellviewmovies.com.

 

Bellview Rating System:

"Opening Weekend":  This is the highest rating a movie can receive.  Reserved for movies that exhibit the highest level of acting, plot, character development, setting...or Salma Hayek.  Not necessarily in that order. 

"$X.XX Show":  This price changes each year due to the inflation of movie prices; currently, it is the $9.50 Show.  While not technically perfect, this is a movie that will still entertain you at a very high level.  "Undercover Brother" falls into this category; it's no "Casablanca", but you'll have a great time watching.  The $9.50 Show won't win any Oscars, but you'll be quoting lines from the thing for ages (see "Office Space"). 

"Matinee":  An average movie that merits no more than a $6.50 viewing at your local theater.  Seeing it for less than $9.50 will make you feel a lot better about yourself.  A movie like "Blue Crush" fits this category; you leave the theater saying "That wasn't too bad...man, did you see that Lakers game last night?" 

"Rental":  This rating indicates a movie that you see in the previews and say to your friend, "I'll be sure to miss that one."  Mostly forgettable, you couldn't lose too much by going to Hollywood Video and paying $3 to watch it with your sig other, but you would only do that if the video store was out of copies of "Ronin."  If you can, see this movie for free.  This is what your TV Guide would give "one and a half stars." 

"Hard Vice":  This rating is the bottom of the barrel.  A movie that only six other human beings have witnessed, this is the worst movie I have ever seen.  A Shannon Tweed "thriller," it is so bad as to be funny during almost every one of its 84 minutes, and includes the worst ending ever put into a movie.  Marginally worse than "Cabin Boy", "The Avengers" or "Leonard, Part 6", this rating means that you should avoid this movie at all costs, or no costs, EVEN IF YOU CAN SEE IT FOR FREE!  (Warning:  strong profanity will be used in all reviews of "Hard Vice"-rated movies.)