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2008 Fall Video Roundup, Vol. III

11/29/08

"10 Items or Less"

Morgan Freeman and Paz Vega star in this low-budget indie comedy from '06 about an actor (Freeman) doing research on a grocery store clerk (Vega) trying to up her lot in life.  There are three or four really funny scenes in this flick, none better than when the twosome go shopping at Target, and Freeman's character sits stunned at the prices offered to consumers in retail stores.  "Graphic t-shirts for eight bucks???  How can they DO this??"  Overall, it's a great bonding film between two people from different walks of life who will probably never get the chance to see each other again, and as a film diddy, it's not a bad option on cable.  Bit appearances by Jonah Hill and Bobby Canavale round out the package.

Rating: Matinee

"Ghosts of Abu Ghraib"

Man, does it feel good to be an American citizen!  We say "Eff you!" to the Geneva Convention, we say "Eff you!" to decent treatment of imprisoned individuals, and most of all, we say "Eff you!" to being able to wear clothes while being beaten, electrified, waterboarded and humiliated by your captors.  "Ghosts of Abu Ghraib" made some noise at the 2007 Sundance Film Festival and is a great documentary, thanks to interviews with policymakers, authors and even some of the soldiers who worked in the infamous prison and were eventually sentenced for their crimes.  Naturally, these crimes weren't their fault, but that's why it is so great to be an American, remember???

Rating:  $9.50 Show

"Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story"

I still can't believe that this production, by Judd Apatow and many of his frequent cohorts, did so poorly at the box office...the film is hilarious, wrong, a great ripoff film of the musical biopic genre, and John C. Reilly makes for an engaging lead to go along with supporting work by more famous people than you can keep up with, but we'll start with Tim Meadows, Chris Parnell, Jack Black, Jack White, Justin Long, and cameos by Jewel, Lyle Lovett...even freakin' Ghostface Killah shows up!!  Wow, this has some great laughs...there's a slow portion at the three-quarters mark, but the movie finishes strong and the songs in this movie are flat-out great.

Rating:  $9.50 Show

"Untraceable"

Bad in ways you won't believe until you begin watching, "Untraceable" is, according to Comcast's write-up, a thriller matching "The Net" against "Hostel."  Now, since neither one of those movies was great, you know you are in for some trouble, not to mention the predictable plotting that eventually leads a killer to track the movements of the FBI's lead Internet investigator in Portland (Diane Lane) right...to...her...basement!!!!  A bad cast leads a bad story into the complete shitter and one of the worst endings in a movie released this year.  I kinda feel bad for Lane; her movies have generally been lukewarm or have bombed at the box office, but this one bombed and really sucked.

Rating:  Hard Vice

"To Live and Die in L.A."

Nope, had never seen it...and, now that I have seen, I'm not sure what to say.  I liked this 1980s crime drama, set (you guessed it) in L.A. featuring a battle between a counterfeiter (Willem Dafoe) and a Treasury officer (William Petersen, from "CSI") smarting over the death of his partner, who was naturally two days from retirement when he was gunned down by the counterfeiter.  Foot chases, car chases, and fight scenes ensue--who knew the life of a Secret Service agent could be so badass???--and William Friedkin's direction gave me the feeling that Michael Mann was sitting in the background somewhere, waiting to make style over substance his motto during his career.  For some reason, I thought this was going to be better...as it was, it was above-average crime-fighting entertainment, with tons of Wang Chung on the soundtrack.

Rating:  $9.50 Show

 

Comments?  Drop me a line at justin@bellviewmovies.com.

 

Bellview Rating System:

"Opening Weekend":  This is the highest rating a movie can receive.  Reserved for movies that exhibit the highest level of acting, plot, character development, setting...or Salma Hayek.  Not necessarily in that order. 

"$X.XX Show":  This price changes each year due to the inflation of movie prices; currently, it is the $9.50 Show.  While not technically perfect, this is a movie that will still entertain you at a very high level.  "Undercover Brother" falls into this category; it's no "Casablanca", but you'll have a great time watching.  The $9.50 Show won't win any Oscars, but you'll be quoting lines from the thing for ages (see "Office Space"). 

"Matinee":  An average movie that merits no more than a $6.50 viewing at your local theater.  Seeing it for less than $9.50 will make you feel a lot better about yourself.  A movie like "Blue Crush" fits this category; you leave the theater saying "That wasn't too bad...man, did you see that Lakers game last night?" 

"Rental":  This rating indicates a movie that you see in the previews and say to your friend, "I'll be sure to miss that one."  Mostly forgettable, you couldn't lose too much by going to Hollywood Video and paying $3 to watch it with your sig other, but you would only do that if the video store was out of copies of "Ronin."  If you can, see this movie for free.  This is what your TV Guide would give "one and a half stars." 

"Hard Vice":  This rating is the bottom of the barrel.  A movie that only six other human beings have witnessed, this is the worst movie I have ever seen.  A Shannon Tweed "thriller," it is so bad as to be funny during almost every one of its 84 minutes, and includes the worst ending ever put into a movie.  Marginally worse than "Cabin Boy", "The Avengers" or "Leonard, Part 6", this rating means that you should avoid this movie at all costs, or no costs, EVEN IF YOU CAN SEE IT FOR FREE!  (Warning:  strong profanity will be used in all reviews of "Hard Vice"-rated movies.)