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2006 Summer Video Roundups, Vol. III

8/29/06

"The Big Red One" (Director's Cut)

As a sucker for anything featuring Lee Marvin, I was shocked to know that he starred in a World War II drama with freaking Mark Hamill during the height of Hamill's career (i.e., in-between original "Star Wars" trilogy flicks).  The combination of these two luminaries (hehehe) makes for...well, a fairly shitty, unbelievably long war film, directed by noted B-movie vet Samuel Fuller.  The action scenes in this film harken back to the 1950s war films pre-color, where everyone that gets shot once seems to die immediately and without a good stunt double, meaning that the excessive Kraut body count in this one just becomes really funny after a while.  Now, I'll give the movie this--it comes up with some of the most random war side notes and ideas ever, like "What would happen if a Czech couple was driving their motorcycle into a battle zone and the husband fell off the bike, killing him, while his pregnant wife sits in the sidecar about to deliver a baby????"  Exactly.  Not a winner, in my book.

Rating:  Rental

"Spanglish"

You know why I saw this?  Because Paz Vega is great and was full of sass in that import "Sex & Lucia" a few years ago.  She's great in "Spanglish", but this one is such a mixed bag that it is at times glorious and utter agony to sit through this 130-minute dramedy.  Adam Sandler is not bad as the chef of a high-end L.A. restaurant; Tea Leoni is high on something as the eccentric wife.  The kids are great; Cloris Leachman has some good lines as the wife's mother, and as Flor--Mexican housekeeper extraordinaire--Vega does most of her acting with her facial expressions, as her character (for the first three-fourths of the flick, anyway) speaks zero English.  But some of this business is so hackneyed that by the time the film addressed the cheating ways of the wife, you just want to yawn or yell at the screen, "get it over with, already!!!"  Surprisingly uneven film.

Rating:  Matinee

"Storytelling"

Ahh, Todd Solondz.  The guy's stuff is sometimes so off-the-wall you are afraid to see it with other people, for fear that you will laugh at something so evil or out-of-the-ordinary that those other people might realize that you truly are a freak of nature.  So, of course, "Storytelling" has at least half a dozen scenes like that, in its two-part narrative, the first novella about a college woman (Selma Blair) that is dating a cerebral palsy kid while dealing with her caustic writing professor; in the longer second story, a documentary filmmaker/shoe salesman (Paul Giamatti) follows an aimless high school student named Scooby (Mark Webber) as Scooby tries to figure out what he wants out of life.  The unrated version probably isn't much different from the R-rated version--both are sure to make you a little uncomfortable but entertain you nonetheless.  Man, I would love to have dinner with this guy!!

Rating:  $9.50 Show

"The Hustler"

It's kind of weird that I saw "The Color of Money" before I saw "The Hustler", but it didn't matter--this pool room drama is badass, from Paul Newman's cocky "Fast" Eddie Felson to the devil-is-upon-us stylings of George C. Scott as one of Eddie's handlers to Felson's nemesis, the best stick man in the land, Minnesota Fats (Jackie Gleason).  Somebody should have won an Oscar for Smoke-Lit Rooms in this one; the atmosphere is classic, even if the pool work on screen doesn't set the world on fire.  (Just went to look--this flick did win Oscars for art direction and cinematography.  Man, smoke is cool as shit in this movie!!)  The romantic angle snowed me a little bit, even if Piper Laurie does a decent job as Eddie's love interest...in a drama like this, I didn't think the romantic bits added much to this film, because it's just a sideshow to keep us busy between high-stakes pool games.  Man, is there anything that Newman can't do??

Rating:  Opening Weekend

 

Comments?  Drop me a line at justin@bellviewmovies.com.

 

Bellview Rating System:

"Opening Weekend":  This is the highest rating a movie can receive.  Reserved for movies that exhibit the highest level of acting, plot, character development, setting...or Salma Hayek.  Not necessarily in that order. 

"$X.XX Show":  This price changes each year due to the inflation of movie prices; currently, it is the $9.50 Show.  While not technically perfect, this is a movie that will still entertain you at a very high level.  "Undercover Brother" falls into this category; it's no "Casablanca", but you'll have a great time watching.  The $9.50 Show won't win any Oscars, but you'll be quoting lines from the thing for ages (see "Office Space"). 

"Matinee":  An average movie that merits no more than a $6.50 viewing at your local theater.  Seeing it for less than $9.50 will make you feel a lot better about yourself.  A movie like "Blue Crush" fits this category; you leave the theater saying "That wasn't too bad...man, did you see that Lakers game last night?" 

"Rental":  This rating indicates a movie that you see in the previews and say to your friend, "I'll be sure to miss that one."  Mostly forgettable, you couldn't lose too much by going to Hollywood Video and paying $3 to watch it with your sig other, but you would only do that if the video store was out of copies of "Ronin."  If you can, see this movie for free.  This is what your TV Guide would give "one and a half stars." 

"Hard Vice":  This rating is the bottom of the barrel.  A movie that only six other human beings have witnessed, this is the worst movie I have ever seen.  A Shannon Tweed "thriller," it is so bad as to be funny during almost every one of its 84 minutes, and includes the worst ending ever put into a movie.  Marginally worse than "Cabin Boy", "The Avengers" or "Leonard, Part 6", this rating means that you should avoid this movie at all costs, or no costs, EVEN IF YOU CAN SEE IT FOR FREE!  (Warning:  strong profanity will be used in all reviews of "Hard Vice"-rated movies.)