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2006 Summer Video Roundups, Vol. I

6/5/06

"Pride & Prejudice"

These period-piece costume romance epics, written by Jane Eyre or not, always make me keep a sharp instrument nearby just in case I need to bleed myself to death, but in the case of last year's Oscar-nominated "Pride & Prejudice", I have to admit that I was surprised the film was so engaging.  Keira Knightley, as our heroine Lizzie Bennet, is definitely not Oscar-nominee-worthy with this performance, but she is solid amidst a strong cast that includes Brenda Blethyn, Judi Dench and a bunch of other prim-and-proper ladies in the retelling of this sweeping romantic ball-ridden drama.  There are a couple of good laughs, the romance is tense throughout (although naturally predictable) and I just love those silly white-people-dance-and-act-merry set pieces where people seem to have never been happier.  Man, it must have been a blast to hang out back in the day!!

Rating:  Matinee

"The Nest"

There I go again, getting caught renting a foreign action film because the trailer looked interesting; dammit, why does this keep happening to me?  In the case of "The Nest", I will give it this much--it is unapologetic when it comes to delivering its final hour, where a group of thieves, a group of cops protecting a high-profile gang leader, and about a hundred of that gang leader's posse all show up at the same warehouse one night in July and get all blow'd up.  The film, which was either French, Italian or both (it was badly dubbed), does look high-profile and has the body count to qualify as a passable action flick...but, unfortunately, since it is not about anything, "The Nest" is just a vague memory now, so much so that I don't remember a single character's name.  Blah!  I think I first rented this because I saw something else distributed through Lions Gate; don't make my mistake!

Rating:  Rental

"Waking Life"

In preparation for the upcoming 'toon thriller "A Scanner Darkly", I went ahead and rented the 2001 'toon drama "Waking Life", since it was done by Richard Linklater, director of both films.  This much I know: if "A Scanner Darkly" is anywhere close to as bad as "Waking Life", I'll do what I did today after an hour of suffering--turn off the damned DVD player, because philosophical discussions are nice if they are based on anything in particular, and "Waking Life" just rambles along with conversations about nothing with the occasional off-the-wall R-rated moment, like two guys that shoot each other in a bar or a guy that enjoys dropping f-bombs while locked away in a cell.  Wow, this was bad--again, I don't mind if films are about nothing if the nothing makes any sense...and, shit was CRAZY useless during this film.

Rating:  Hard Vice

"What's Eating Gilbert Grape"

Nope, I had never seen it, but after sitting through this one I'm sad I waited so long to catch it.  Director Lasse Hallström has a pretty sweet resumé--"Chocolat", "My Life as a Dog", "The Cider House Rules"..."What's Eating Gilbert Grape" is a great collection of characters (performed by what is now an all-star cast, including Johnny Depp, Leo DiCaprio, John C. Reilly, Crispin Glover, Mary Steenburgen, and Juliette Lewis) in what might now be my favorite Hallström production.  DiCaprio is as good here as he was in "The Aviator"; the story in "Grape" is a great mix of laughs and solid drama, and has there been a larger woman in film than Darlene Cates as Gilbert's planted-on-the-couch mama??  Great movie, although I'll admit that the romantic angle with Gilbert and the new girl in town (played by Lewis, who actually doesn't look crazy in this film) didn't turn me on.

Rating:  $9.50 Show

 

Comments?  Drop me a line at justin@bellviewmovies.com.

 

Bellview Rating System:

"Opening Weekend":  This is the highest rating a movie can receive.  Reserved for movies that exhibit the highest level of acting, plot, character development, setting...or Salma Hayek.  Not necessarily in that order. 

"$X.XX Show":  This price changes each year due to the inflation of movie prices; currently, it is the $9.50 Show.  While not technically perfect, this is a movie that will still entertain you at a very high level.  "Undercover Brother" falls into this category; it's no "Casablanca", but you'll have a great time watching.  The $9.50 Show won't win any Oscars, but you'll be quoting lines from the thing for ages (see "Office Space"). 

"Matinee":  An average movie that merits no more than a $6.50 viewing at your local theater.  Seeing it for less than $9.50 will make you feel a lot better about yourself.  A movie like "Blue Crush" fits this category; you leave the theater saying "That wasn't too bad...man, did you see that Lakers game last night?" 

"Rental":  This rating indicates a movie that you see in the previews and say to your friend, "I'll be sure to miss that one."  Mostly forgettable, you couldn't lose too much by going to Hollywood Video and paying $3 to watch it with your sig other, but you would only do that if the video store was out of copies of "Ronin."  If you can, see this movie for free.  This is what your TV Guide would give "one and a half stars." 

"Hard Vice":  This rating is the bottom of the barrel.  A movie that only six other human beings have witnessed, this is the worst movie I have ever seen.  A Shannon Tweed "thriller," it is so bad as to be funny during almost every one of its 84 minutes, and includes the worst ending ever put into a movie.  Marginally worse than "Cabin Boy", "The Avengers" or "Leonard, Part 6", this rating means that you should avoid this movie at all costs, or no costs, EVEN IF YOU CAN SEE IT FOR FREE!  (Warning:  strong profanity will be used in all reviews of "Hard Vice"-rated movies.)