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2006 Fall Video Roundups, Vol. IV

12/5/06

"The Crimson Rivers"

Although the star power of Jean Reno ("The Professional", "Ronin", "La Femme Nikita") and Vincent Cassel ("Irreversible", "Brotherhood of the Wolf", "Derailed") set against a backdrop of shooting in the Alps should have been badass, instead, it is mundane, thanks to a piss-poor script and action that falls a little flat.  Reno plays Pierre Niemans, a bad-ass old-school cop who is brought in from Paris to investigate the brutal torture/murder of a student at an elite academy in the mountainous region; Cassel plays Max Kerkerian, another cop but certainly the younger unseasoned rookie, who stumbles upon another murder that is related to the first crime.  Together, they try to take down...Nazis?  Yeah, "The Crimson Rivers" looks pretty good and Cassel brings energy to everything that he touches, but overall, this crime thriller was very tame.

Rating:  Matinee

"The Crimson Rivers 2: Angels of the Apocalypse"

Jean Reno came back to do a second "Crimson Rivers" film, but much like Tom Berenger in "Sniper 2" and "Sniper 3", this is PURELY a paycheck situation, right down to a script so awful that by the time this production team remembered to fill in some blanks about Reno's old-school cop character, all they could think of was that he didn't like dogs in the first movie.  Literally, that is the only personal reference that anyone makes to Reno's character.  The crime this time around--featuring bad-ass ninja-like monks and a German overlord (Christopher Lee, whose French seems quite excellente) visiting for the holidays--is nothing out of the ordinary, but it gives the old-school cop and his new young gun partner (Benoit Magimel) lots and lots of people to shoot at.  The flick moves fast and makes for easy no-brainer shoot-em-up sequel action, even if the characters totally suck.

Rating:  Matinee

"Ikiru" (To Live)

I am catching up on old Akira Kurosawa flicks that I haven't seen before, and this one is much different than the ones I have seen before it, like "Rashomon" and "Seven Samurai"--this one is about the ho-hum life of a day laborer at a city infrastructure office (Takashi Shimura) who hasn't taken a day off in 30 years and has watched his entire life fly by without doing much living.  When the film opens, we learn all that we need to know about this guy, for starters--he's got stomach cancer, and as a result he probably only has about a year to live.  Our man doesn't realize this yet, so when he goes to the doctor one day and gets the bad news, he realizes that he's been dead, in a way, for almost his whole working life and immediately makes changes to get the most out of his bad situation.  This one really made me think about what's important to me, and while I don't foresee having a problem like this guy has (from the overworked perspective), it's important to get that little reminder every so often that you don't get much time on this earth, so you better get out there and enjoy it as much as you can.

Rating:  $9.50 Show

"Land of the Dead"

The first zombie movie I can think of where I actually felt a smidgen of pity for those undead bastards, "Land of the Dead" continues to make me think that zombie flicks can actually be decent in the hands of the right director.  This go-round, the country has been damn near taken over by zombies, and a small rag-tag group of people continue to find a way to survive on their own...until they come upon a city led by a madman (Dennis Hopper) that has been able to keep the zombies out using high walls and electrified fences.  Of course, those nasty zombies find a way in, and the mix of action and comedy is serviceable given the material.  John Leguizamo and Simon Baker co-star in this one; it's not as good as the "Dawn of the Dead" remake from a couple of years ago, but with horrormeister George Romero in charge, "Land of the Dead" is good times!

Rating:  Matinee

 

Comments?  Drop me a line at justin@bellviewmovies.com.

 

Bellview Rating System:

"Opening Weekend":  This is the highest rating a movie can receive.  Reserved for movies that exhibit the highest level of acting, plot, character development, setting...or Salma Hayek.  Not necessarily in that order. 

"$X.XX Show":  This price changes each year due to the inflation of movie prices; currently, it is the $9.50 Show.  While not technically perfect, this is a movie that will still entertain you at a very high level.  "Undercover Brother" falls into this category; it's no "Casablanca", but you'll have a great time watching.  The $9.50 Show won't win any Oscars, but you'll be quoting lines from the thing for ages (see "Office Space"). 

"Matinee":  An average movie that merits no more than a $6.50 viewing at your local theater.  Seeing it for less than $9.50 will make you feel a lot better about yourself.  A movie like "Blue Crush" fits this category; you leave the theater saying "That wasn't too bad...man, did you see that Lakers game last night?" 

"Rental":  This rating indicates a movie that you see in the previews and say to your friend, "I'll be sure to miss that one."  Mostly forgettable, you couldn't lose too much by going to Hollywood Video and paying $3 to watch it with your sig other, but you would only do that if the video store was out of copies of "Ronin."  If you can, see this movie for free.  This is what your TV Guide would give "one and a half stars." 

"Hard Vice":  This rating is the bottom of the barrel.  A movie that only six other human beings have witnessed, this is the worst movie I have ever seen.  A Shannon Tweed "thriller," it is so bad as to be funny during almost every one of its 84 minutes, and includes the worst ending ever put into a movie.  Marginally worse than "Cabin Boy", "The Avengers" or "Leonard, Part 6", this rating means that you should avoid this movie at all costs, or no costs, EVEN IF YOU CAN SEE IT FOR FREE!  (Warning:  strong profanity will be used in all reviews of "Hard Vice"-rated movies.)