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2006 Fall Video Roundups, Vol. II

10/12/06

"The Mack"

My run of blaxploitation movies continues with "The Mack", the 1973 film that might be the most quoted pimp movie in the history of anytime, ever.  At least a half-dozen of the scenes in "The Mack" are quoted word-for-fucking-word in any number of hip-hop/rap songs of the last 20 years; if you don't believe me, just pop in Dr. Dre's "The Chronic" then immediately watch "The Mack"...it's just straight comedy!  Max Julien is Goldie, aka The Mack, who's just gotten out of prison following a five-year stint in the Big House for being the fall guy for Fatman, a white crime boss who did nothing to help Goldie out while he was in the pen.  To get back on his feet when he gets out of prison, Goldie seeks the advice of other major street hustlers to become the biggest mack in town, recruiting the hottest women while trying to stay out of the way of two dirty white cops (was there any other kind in these movies?).  Goodness gracious, I might have to buy "The Mack" on DVD just so I can have the scene where Goldie tells one of his just-beaten-and-attacked women--completely without emotion:

"Pat your feet on the curb and get my money woman!"

or when Goldie's Black Panther brother tries to explain the situation of the world to him:

"You really DON'T understand, do you?  Man, don't you see, in order to make this thing work, we've got to get rid of the PIMPS...and the PUSHERS...and the PROSTITUTES...and then start all over again clean!"

Rating:  $9.50 Show

"Coffy"

Finishing off a run of blaxploitation flicks, I picked up the first Pam Grier classic, "Coffy", because shit, what else was I doing on a Saturday night?  "Coffy" stars Grier as a nurse who is sick of the drug-pushing punks in her neighborhood after her sister (or maybe it was her cousin; I honestly don't remember) nearly dies from a drug overdose.  Her brand of vigilante justice--the original Judge Dredd, if you will, as walking judge, jury & executioner--must have worked well in the early 1970s when this film came out, but nowadays, it's just plain ridiculous, although there is some hilarious bad shit on the part of the film's producers (clearly white guys, with names like Salvatore Billitteri and Robert Papazian) to portray Coffy as this weak soul sistah at times and this stereotypical Bad Black Bitch during others.  I actually imagined Grier walking down the street after making this film, getting accosted by forward-thinking African-Americans who ask her things like "What the fuck are you doing bringing down the race by starring in these dumb low-budget action films?" and Grier responding with "look, clearly there's a market for these movies and if someone's got to make the paycheck, why not me?"  Maybe, maybe not, but it really is an eye-opening sign of the (past) times how blacks and racist whites are portrayed in these films from the 70s...I'm kind of glad this genre is dead.

Rating:  Rental

"The Merchant of Venice"

Another Shakespeare adaptation of a work I never read, "The Merchant of Venice" does ask an interesting question: do you trust your boy enough to lend him some cash to be repaid in time to spare yourself the agony of having to cut off a pound of your own flesh as debt repayment to a Jewish creditor?  (Yeah, I didn't think so, either.)  Al Pacino leads a pretty solid cast in this flick from a couple of years ago; even if the logic is twisty behind how the trial plays out after we get down to the nitty-gritty of that aforementioned sixteen flesh ounces, it's fun to watch how the actors will play this story to its conclusion.  Reasonably entertaining, remotely amusing, and surprisingly well-paced (someone cut out just the right bits of the longer play, I imagine), a solid rental.

Rating:  Matinee

"Battlestar Galactica: The Pilot Episode"

On the advice of Chip "Psycho" Hudgins, who went off about this show at a recent bacon party to the point where those in attendance feared for Chip's sanity, I had to rent at least the first episode of the new version of "Battlestar Galactica", currently in its third season.  I must say, at least through three hours, the show is interesting; it's better than it should be given how cheesy the original series was.  Who doesn't love Edward James Olmos, aka Potty Face from the original "Miami Vice" TV series?  Adding class to the operation is Mary McDonnell, who is just as sharp as she was 325 years ago in "Dances with Wolves"; special effects that are--for the SciFi Channel, anyway--better than average; side characters and the sneaking suspicion feeling that the show could have some legs.  Plus, you get the now-requisite Seal Off the Dangerous Portion of the Ship sequence, made famous in every sci-fi, ocean-based, and toxic gases film of the last 20 years...in this version, we get to watch as 80-ish engineers get vented from Galactica's nether-regions because their section of the ship is sucking power from the rest of the vessel; in just those two minutes, we get drama, we get acting, we get death and dismemberment.  Also, more evidence that if you work as an engineer on a boat, plant or space station, there's a 75% chance that you'll get sealed off behind blast doors to save the many, not the few.

Rating:  $9.50 Show

 

Comments?  Drop me a line at justin@bellviewmovies.com.

 

Bellview Rating System:

"Opening Weekend":  This is the highest rating a movie can receive.  Reserved for movies that exhibit the highest level of acting, plot, character development, setting...or Salma Hayek.  Not necessarily in that order. 

"$X.XX Show":  This price changes each year due to the inflation of movie prices; currently, it is the $9.50 Show.  While not technically perfect, this is a movie that will still entertain you at a very high level.  "Undercover Brother" falls into this category; it's no "Casablanca", but you'll have a great time watching.  The $9.50 Show won't win any Oscars, but you'll be quoting lines from the thing for ages (see "Office Space"). 

"Matinee":  An average movie that merits no more than a $6.50 viewing at your local theater.  Seeing it for less than $9.50 will make you feel a lot better about yourself.  A movie like "Blue Crush" fits this category; you leave the theater saying "That wasn't too bad...man, did you see that Lakers game last night?" 

"Rental":  This rating indicates a movie that you see in the previews and say to your friend, "I'll be sure to miss that one."  Mostly forgettable, you couldn't lose too much by going to Hollywood Video and paying $3 to watch it with your sig other, but you would only do that if the video store was out of copies of "Ronin."  If you can, see this movie for free.  This is what your TV Guide would give "one and a half stars." 

"Hard Vice":  This rating is the bottom of the barrel.  A movie that only six other human beings have witnessed, this is the worst movie I have ever seen.  A Shannon Tweed "thriller," it is so bad as to be funny during almost every one of its 84 minutes, and includes the worst ending ever put into a movie.  Marginally worse than "Cabin Boy", "The Avengers" or "Leonard, Part 6", this rating means that you should avoid this movie at all costs, or no costs, EVEN IF YOU CAN SEE IT FOR FREE!  (Warning:  strong profanity will be used in all reviews of "Hard Vice"-rated movies.)