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2005 Spring Video Roundup, Vol. I

3/8/05

"Curb Your Enthusiasm", Season 1 (10 30-minute episodes)

Let me put out there that I have seen about six full episodes of "Seinfeld"; hey, what can I say, I just never got into it.  That said, the HBO comedy series based on the life of "Seinfeld" co-creator Larry David would probably be funnier, more interesting, and quite simply make more sense had I ever regularly watched the Jerry Seinfeld NBC series.  As it is, there are some good times to be had through ten episodes of watching David play himself, strolling around L.A., dealing with his wife (played here by Cheryl Hines) and agent (Jeff Garlin) and any number of random people in the course of his daily activities, which amount to nothing more than hangin' out with his famous friends and going to dinner parties.  I'll admit, watching David get yelled at in almost every episode by at least one character--maybe none funnier in the first season than the wife of the former porn star when David doesn't want to take off his shoes in the house--is hilarious; the show also wisely makes note of the fact that almost no black people show up in "Seinfeld" in another episode called "Affirmative Action."  But, the first five or six episodes were just boring, and the mostly improvised dialogue didn't always turn me on, especially in situations that are clearly scripted to perfection.  And, every filmed minute with Richard Lewis is a wasted opportunity to give me something REALLY funny, in this man's humble opinion.  What's all the fuss about?  Maybe "Curb Your Enthusiasm" is funnier in later seasons?

Rating:  Matinee

"The Shield", Season 1 (13 45-minute episodes)

Whoa!  No WONDER they gave The Man Formerly Known as The Commish--Michael Chiklis--the Emmy for Best Lead Actor in a Drama Series three years ago..."The Shield" is great stuff.  You almost can't believe some of the stuff that they throw into this show, but man, it's wild.  As bad guy/good guy cop Vic Mackey, Chiklis and his merry band of cops in L.A. spend almost as much time busting criminals as they do beating up suspects, stealing from the department and lying their way through investigations.  The language is raw, the acting by everyone in this show is fantastic, the plots are original...man, I was loving it.  I went ahead and ordered seasons 2 and 3 on Netflix and moved it to the top of the queue!!

Rating:  Opening Weekend

"The Shield", Season 2 (13 45-minute episodes)

Honestly, this show is ridiculous...and that is what makes it so much fun.  Detective Vic Mackey (Chiklis) has even more shit go down in Season 2, which is essentially 13 episodes of Mackey trying not to get caught doing his dirty business by a civilian auditor, fellow Detective Wimms (CCH Pounder), and the hordes of criminals he is already doing business with.  Throw in a pending divorce from his wife, the pursuit of an Armenian money laundering scheme and adding a new member to the Strike Team, and it's non-stop action from start to finish.  Why the hell didn't I watch this series when it started up on FX a few years ago??

Rating:  Opening Weekend

"The Shield, Season 3" (15 45-minute episodes)

Man, the 15 episodes of the third season--as Vic tries to keep the Treasury off his butt after a major Armenian drug-money theft and as he tries to work with another special team unit known as the Decoy Team--were even more badass than the first two seasons, which I didn't think was possible...until you factor in the new black Strike Team member (played by Brian White) that gets hosed, Shane (Walton Goggins) and his new girlfriend, Aceveda (Benito Martinez) and his oral assault, or a possible defection by one of the Strike Team members...jeez, the hits just kept on coming.  Between the 'bangers, the hookers, the busts, the profanity and the hilarious amount of true-to-life racism that the show deals with, I can't believe I haven't watched "The Shield" on TV from its first day forward.  Can't wait for Glenn Close and season 4 to arrive on my doorstep in a few months.

Rating:  Opening Weekend

 

Comments?  Drop me a line at justin@bellviewmovies.com.

 

Bellview Rating System:

"Opening Weekend":  This is the highest rating a movie can receive.  Reserved for movies that exhibit the highest level of acting, plot, character development, setting...or Salma Hayek.  Not necessarily in that order. 

"$X.XX Show":  This price changes each year due to the inflation of movie prices; currently, it is the $9.50 Show.  While not technically perfect, this is a movie that will still entertain you at a very high level.  "Undercover Brother" falls into this category; it's no "Casablanca", but you'll have a great time watching.  The $9.50 Show won't win any Oscars, but you'll be quoting lines from the thing for ages (see "Office Space"). 

"Matinee":  An average movie that merits no more than a $6.50 viewing at your local theater.  Seeing it for less than $9.50 will make you feel a lot better about yourself.  A movie like "Blue Crush" fits this category; you leave the theater saying "That wasn't too bad...man, did you see that Lakers game last night?" 

"Rental":  This rating indicates a movie that you see in the previews and say to your friend, "I'll be sure to miss that one."  Mostly forgettable, you couldn't lose too much by going to Hollywood Video and paying $3 to watch it with your sig other, but you would only do that if the video store was out of copies of "Ronin."  If you can, see this movie for free.  This is what your TV Guide would give "one and a half stars." 

"Hard Vice":  This rating is the bottom of the barrel.  A movie that only six other human beings have witnessed, this is the worst movie I have ever seen.  A Shannon Tweed "thriller," it is so bad as to be funny during almost every one of its 84 minutes, and includes the worst ending ever put into a movie.  Marginally worse than "Cabin Boy", "The Avengers" or "Leonard, Part 6", this rating means that you should avoid this movie at all costs, or no costs, EVEN IF YOU CAN SEE IT FOR FREE!  (Warning:  strong profanity will be used in all reviews of "Hard Vice"-rated movies.)