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2001 Winter Video Roundup

1/4/02

Man, I love movies...

"The Black Hole"

I haven't seen this film since I was about ten years old, so I wanted to see it again to see how I felt watching it as an adult.  Surprisingly, I still liked it, even if it was a tad on the cheesy side.  Robert Forster ("Jackie Brown" of recent years) leads a team of explorers from the USS Palamino that are required to land aboard the spaceship of an insane genius (Maximilian Schell).  Of course, things start peacefully aboard the madman's vessel...until we find out it is a flying slave ship!!  This 1979 product features decent special effects, a flying R2-D2 ripoff, and Tony Perkins ("Psycho") NOT imitating his mother.

Rating:  $9.50 Show

"Dog Day Afternoon"

On August 22nd, 1972, a former bank clerk (Al Pacino) heads to Brooklyn and attempts to rob a bank with a cohort that may or may not be on the edge of insanity.  Then, things get REALLY crazy from there...but, what is more amazing about director Sidney Lumet's film (he also directed Pacino in "Serpico" and the film "Network") is that it is based on a true story!  Pacino is excellent in this film and his energy drives this movie from start to finish.  This comedy-drama was nominated for Best Picture and Pacino was nominated for Best Actor for this film.  The language is rough, but it is otherwise for almost anyone.

Rating:  Opening Weekend

"Blood, Guts, Bullets and Octane"

Shot in two weeks for a budget under $8,000, this film is low-budget filmmaking to the core.  Unfortunately, it isn't very good.  But, it gives hope to people like me that great films can be shot fast and on a low budget if the writing is better than average.  Writer/director Joe Carnahan shot this film on 16mm film and edited the film in just 30 hours, which friends, is ridiculously fast for a feature-length film.  Concerning two car salesmen that stumble upon a world of trouble with a '63 convertible that may be worth $250,000, "Blood, Guts, Bullets and Octane" features minimal action, few surprises, almost no laughs and almost nothing interesting.  But, somebody produced it, and that is all the hope that I need!

Rating:  Rental

"Almost Famous"

What a great film!  I don't know a damned thing about rock and roll, but that hurt me in watching "High Fidelity" because of the number of scenes featuring Jack Black and John Cusack arguing over different rock bands.  In "Almost Famous", written & directed by "Vanilla Sky"'s Cameron Crowe, my lack of knowlege didn't matter quite so much despite the fact that the main protagonist, a 15-year-old Rolling Stone writer (Patrick Fugit), LOVES his rock and roll.  Oscar-nominated performances by Kate Hudson and Frances McDormand add color to the normal groupie and worried mom stereotypes, respectively.  And, Jason Lee hits another home run as the fictional band Stillwater's lead singer.  A feel-good movie that never drags and has lots of funny-to-hilarious sequences.  My favorite?  When the band's plane is caught in a storm near the end of the film, and one of the bandmates yells out, "Fuck it...I'm gay!!!!"  Had me rolling.

Rating:  Opening Weekend

"Kentucky Fried Movie"

Hilarious.  The people that brought you "Airplane!" and "The Naked Gun" trilogy and TV show bring you this collage of shorts, which spoof almost every genre of the 70s:  kung-fu film, blaxploitation film, and "Porky's"-style coed comedies.  Most of it works, but the highlights are definitely "A Fistful of Yen"--the most racist bit in the film, which also parodies Bruce Lee's "Enter the Dragon"--and all of the skits that feature Big Jim Slade.  If you like rapid-fire silly fun, this one is for you, even now, 24 years after its original release.

Rating:  $9.50 Show

"The Bourne Identity"

Around the time that I saw the trailer for the Matt Damon version coming out this spring, the Action Channel on DirecTV was showing the older version of the same Robert Ludlum text from 1988.  This miniseries version starred Richard Chamberlain and Jaclyn Smith in the roles that Damon and Franka Potente ("Run Lola Run") will play in the 2002 version.  The story involves an amnesiac (Chamberlain) that may or may not be a government-trained spy that committed a pretty serious crime that has every police force in the world on his tail.  In this 1988 version, Chamberlain is actually pretty good and the pacing is just badass for a spy film.  This guy is on the run throughout and only briefly is bothered with the necessity of banging his female partner for sake of the audience.  I will have to read the book now, because the movie version was pretty good.

Rating:  $9.50 Show

"The Mission"

This 1986 film won the Palme d'Or at Cannes that year, but I'm not really sure why.  This Robert De Niro/Jeremy Irons film is long on feel-good Jesuit missionary activity, and short on character.  In 1750s South America, Irons' do-gooder enlists the help of a jailed mercenary (De Niro) to make a difference with the Indian people in South America during this time period.  Directed by Roland Joffe, De Niro has almost nothing to say as he walks around in bewilderment while learning to live with his new people, and Irons--that cagey Irons!--gets to repeat regularly that it is about love, not war, in his 1750s way.  I thought this was going to be something different...like, good!  Instead, I got dry, a little boring and a little nappy. 

Rating:  Matinee

"Welcome to the Dollhouse"

I had already seen Todd Solondz's most recent film, "Happiness", and loved it, although when I saw it in theaters it was disturbing for myself and the other ten or fifteen folks in the audience.  Maybe it was because there was a "cum shot" to end that film, which somehow got into theaters unrated and allowed for ejaculation shots in the film.  But, with "Welcome to the Dollhouse", you can see that this guy is a bit more twisted than the average filmmaker.  Luckily, the film is damned good to boot.  Heather Matarazzo stars as one of the ugliest kids at Benjamin Franklin Jr. High School, a 7th grader that is routinely called the Wienerdog, since her name is Dawn Wiener and she looks like...well, you know.  From the opening shot of the supposedly idyllic American family, to its hilarious portraits of teens hovering around, above and below the puberty line, Solondz uses Matarazzo to paint a picture of what it might feel like to be the school loser.  A quick film that doesn't bother with an intricate plot, this is a great rent, especially if you are looking for something just a little different. 

Rating:  $9.50 Show

"Crooklyn"

I hadn't seen this Spike Lee film when it was out in theaters, but I have wanted to see it for a while and it was on Starz! recently.  First off, like many of Lee's films whether you agree with them or not, the film is very well shot.  Set in Bedstuy in New York City in the 1970s, this tale of a family of seven really resonated with me because of a recent conversation I had with my friends Wim and Mandy regarding large families.  You see, in "Crooklyn", the patriarch of the brood (Delroy Lindo) is a starving artist, and when he is not bringing home the bread for mom (an intense Alfre Woodard), she loses it and kicks him out of the house.  While the film is great, well-acted, and features an amazing soundtrack, all that really stuck with me was that I am nowhere near getting married, because right now I AM that starving artist, and I can't imagine needing to have a job to feed six other mouths right now!!

Rating:  $9.50 Show

"The Collectors"

Casper Van Dien ("Starship Troopers") and Rick Fox of the LA Lakers star in this "action-adventure" film about two guys that are violent repo men.  Hint:  in the first four minutes, we have time to see the credits, find out that Van Dien's character is named "AK", and that Fox is playing the "token black partner."  Then, in the fifth minute, Van Dien and Fox are looking around in a Manhattan strip club.  Should I continue?

Rating:  Hard Vice 

"Cool Hand Luke" 

"What we have here is...a failure to communicate!"  I don't think I knew that this famous line came from this famous film until I watched it recently.  The film around the line is pretty damned good to boot.  Based on the Donn Pearce novel, Paul Newman plays Luke, one cool mofo that gets sent to prison for destroying some parking meters.  As bad as that sucks, he then gets to participate in a chain gang, but throughout he keeps his cool demeanor and makes friends with another inmate named Dragline (George Kennedy, who won the Oscar for this performance).  Life on the chain gang has rarely looked bleaker, and once again a prison film has reinforced my desire to never be arrested, since I just couldn't imagine waking up and slashing bushes every day for five years.

Rating:  $9.50 Show

 

Comments?  Drop me a line at justin@bellviewmovies.com.

 

Bellview Rating System:

"Opening Weekend":  This is the highest rating a movie can receive.  Reserved for movies that exhibit the highest level of acting, plot, character development, setting...or Salma Hayek.  Not necessarily in that order. 

"$X.XX Show":  This price changes each year due to the inflation of movie prices; currently, it is the $9.50 Show.  While not technically perfect, this is a movie that will still entertain you at a very high level.  "Undercover Brother" falls into this category; it's no "Casablanca", but you'll have a great time watching.  The $9.50 Show won't win any Oscars, but you'll be quoting lines from the thing for ages (see "Office Space"). 

"Matinee":  An average movie that merits no more than a $6.50 viewing at your local theater.  Seeing it for less than $9.50 will make you feel a lot better about yourself.  A movie like "Blue Crush" fits this category; you leave the theater saying "That wasn't too bad...man, did you see that Lakers game last night?" 

"Rental":  This rating indicates a movie that you see in the previews and say to your friend, "I'll be sure to miss that one."  Mostly forgettable, you couldn't lose too much by going to Hollywood Video and paying $3 to watch it with your sig other, but you would only do that if the video store was out of copies of "Ronin."  If you can, see this movie for free.  This is what your TV Guide would give "one and a half stars." 

"Hard Vice":  This rating is the bottom of the barrel.  A movie that only six other human beings have witnessed, this is the worst movie I have ever seen.  A Shannon Tweed "thriller," it is so bad as to be funny during almost every one of its 84 minutes, and includes the worst ending ever put into a movie.  Marginally worse than "Cabin Boy", "The Avengers" or "Leonard, Part 6", this rating means that you should avoid this movie at all costs, or no costs, EVEN IF YOU CAN SEE IT FOR FREE!  (Warning:  strong profanity will be used in all reviews of "Hard Vice"-rated movies.)