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2001 Fall Video Roundup, Vol. II

11/30/01

Hey, I know that a lot of you like to stay in on Friday nights, so here you go:  ten flicks reviewed, so there's something for everyone.  Or, as I believe the great Buckaroo Banzai said, "No matter where you go...there you are."  [What does that have to do with anything?  Nothing, but that is the point!]

"Rambo:  First Blood, Part II"

What a spectacular film.  Sly Stallone's burnt out Vietnam vet John Rambo is pulled out of a military prison to perform a recon mission for some shady US officials, including an official named Murdock (Charles Napier) that doesn't seem to believe too much in what the hell we were fighting for over in 'Nam.  Back from the original is Rambo's CO, Colonel Trautman (Richard Crenna), who regularly espouses about what a great killing machine this guy Rambo is.

This is one of my "Guilty Pleasures" flicks...the kind of movie that is as funny as it is good, and I can't help but watch it every time it is on TV.  Why?  So many reasons...Rambo apparently has 59 confirmed kills on his record and every single medal our government hands out to its soldiers, but in the first two films alone, he kills over 200 people...and then, he goes to Afghanistan in "Rambo III" and kills easily a thousand people.  Or, maybe it is the love interest in Part II that falls in love with Rambo in one scene...and, in the very same scene, is viciously murdered by a Viet Cong soldier.  Her death lines are hilarious!  Or, is it the film's final line?

Trautman:  Rambo...how will you live?
Rambo:  Day by day.

Rating:  Opening Weekend

"The Crow"

I watched this film again recently on one of my 5,000 movie channels, and it was good to see it again unedited.  I hadn't realized how many scenes from "The Crow" seem to be replicated in "The Matrix" until now.  From the alterna-metal soundtrack, to a darkly-lit rooftop chase scene, to the very similar heroes and story structure (both films spend their first half introducing an intriguing storyline, then turn into out-and-out action films in the second half), the Wachowski brothers clearly marked "The Crow" as one of the influences for the atmosphere in their "Matrix" films.  A good film that also shows the potential that Brandon Lee had as an actor before he was killed during the production of the movie.

Rating:  $9.50 Show

"Samurai X"

I watch anime films every so often, in order to "keep it real" and remind the Cappiello sisters that they aren't the only ones out there that watch Japanese films that have gratuitous sex and violence!  But, my friend Chi and I watched two DVDs of four "Samurai X" episodes and I believe I made a serious mistake by watching these pieces of shit!  Now, my friend Steve "The Pirate" Chou claims that these episodes are the *prequel* to a 96-episode series that is far superior to the prequel, but after watching this drivel, I would not believe that for a second.  Avoid this at all costs!

Rating:  Hard Vice

"Cinema Paradiso"

In honor of my friend Melinda's birthday this past week, I went ahead and finally watched a movie that she recommended to me years ago, "Cinema Paradiso."  And, I must admit--I'm glad I finally watched it.  The story of a projectionist and his protege in Italy a generation ago is very moving at times, but the film's strongest work comes in the first hour, with projectionist Salvatore teaching young Toto the ins and outs of movies and what they mean.  The kid who was playing Toto as a child (we follow Toto through his life as a young boy, young adult and older gentleman) was great, and cute as all get out.  The love for film that these two characters have moves slightly away from movies in the second hour, as Toto falls in love with a lovely young townswoman and then shows Toto as an older guy who comes back to the town where the cinema is based.  But, that first hour is movie magic and makes the whole film worthwhile.

Rating:  $9.50 Show

"Heroes Shed No Tears"

As one of my Wishlists on TiVo, I have it set up so that every time a movie directed by John Woo is on, I have it recorded.  I have never even heard of this 1985 film, so it was good that TiVo did all the work for me!  At least, that was until the movie started.  This is close to the worst Woo has done...it is just barely better than his straight-to-video action film "Blackjack", starring Dolph Lundgren.  In it, a group of Chinese mercs—sent by the US government to Vietnam to retrieve a drug lord--must take out all kinds of trouble on the way to a rendezvous point.  Devoid of any plot or sensibility, it only serves to show what the amazing Woo would do later in his career, most notably with "Hard Boiled" and "The Killer", by setting up six or seven slow-motion action sequences that show hints of what is to come.

Rating:  Hard Vice

"What's Love Got to Do With It?"

This film, based on the Tina Turner autobiography "I, Tina", is some solid stuff.  This is mostly because of two things.  One, Laurence Fishburne is unbelievable as Ike Turner...he is scary, point blank.  Once again, Oscar hosed him.  Two, I continually ask anyone within earshot:  is Angela Bassett from this planet?  There is a scene where she (as Turner) is singing a song mid-film where she extends her arms while hitting a high note, and she is the perfect physical specimen:  beautiful skin, beautiful body, and the arms are just not right!  Why does she even entertain roles like the one she took in this past summer's "The Score"?  She is an unbelievable actress so bit parts should never come her way.  However, this movie drops one full grade because they didn't get a scene in where Bassett has to sing or pretend to act in "Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome", which features my favorite Turner song, "Hero."  WE DON'T NEED ANOTHER HEEEROOO!  [buh-duh-duh]  WE DON'T NEED TO KNOW THE WAY...HOME!!!

Rating:  $9.50 Show

"Jet Li's The Enforcer"

All I will say is this:  this is the worst Jet Li film I have seen.  Horrible.

Rating:  Hard Vice

"Wonder Boys"

Honoring a promise from Joe "Chuck" Spahr from last year, I finally watched this film and I will admit, it had its moments.  Michael Douglas, playing someone outside of New York City for the first time in ages, plays an English teacher at a Pittsburgh university that has all kinds of problems watching over a gay whacked-out student (Tobey Maguire) and an ex-wife (Frances McDormand) that he is still in love with.  My main problem with this film was much like Douglas' 2600-page "novel" during the film...it just seems to run on and on and on.  I thought that Katie Holmes' performance was wasted, as was the presence of the great Rip Torn, playing a rival writer mysteriously named Q.  Douglas is very good, as is Maguire, but they don't seem to do much of anything important after the intriguing first half of the film.

Rating:  Matinee

"Pi"

Darren Aronofsky's first theatrical film, shot for a mere $60,000, is just as exciting as his later piece, "Requiem for a Dream."  However, much like that later film, "Pi" is some weird shit in many parts.  This story of a mathematician that is trying to figure out what is so special about a 216-character numeric string is very, very smart.  Aronofsky gives you the impression that he is smarter than you throughout the film, but whereas someone like PT Anderson ("Magnolia") comes off as arrogant, Aronofsky just spins a smart yarn around a great performance from the film's star & co-writer, Sean Gullette.  If you liked "Requiem for a Dream", this is what they call "required reading."  And, at only 85 minutes, you won't have time to get bored with things like the Fibonacci Sequence (numeric theory on spirals) since things are happening so quickly.

Rating:  $9.50 Show

"House of Games"

I revisited good David Mamet films this past week and one of them:  "House of Games", starring Joe Mantegna as a crooked con man (is there any other kind) that loops an innocent author into a scheme.  This movie is much better than the recent "Heist" but not as good as his best work, "The Spanish Prisoner."  And, this film proves once again that David Mamet can't write for women to save his life.  But, for men, he is genius, and the dialogue between Mantegna and other male characters (played by Ricky Jay, JT Walsh, William H. Macy and Meshach Taylor, from "Designing Women"!) is profanity-laden heaven.  Best line?

Jay [following a poker win]:  Where you from, anyway?
Mantegna:  Where am I from?  I'll tell ya:  The United States of Kiss My Ass!!

Rating:  $9.50 Show

 

Comments?  Drop me a line at justin@bellviewmovies.com.

 

Bellview Rating System:

"Opening Weekend":  This is the highest rating a movie can receive.  Reserved for movies that exhibit the highest level of acting, plot, character development, setting...or Salma Hayek.  Not necessarily in that order. 

"$X.XX Show":  This price changes each year due to the inflation of movie prices; currently, it is the $9.50 Show.  While not technically perfect, this is a movie that will still entertain you at a very high level.  "Undercover Brother" falls into this category; it's no "Casablanca", but you'll have a great time watching.  The $9.50 Show won't win any Oscars, but you'll be quoting lines from the thing for ages (see "Office Space"). 

"Matinee":  An average movie that merits no more than a $6.50 viewing at your local theater.  Seeing it for less than $9.50 will make you feel a lot better about yourself.  A movie like "Blue Crush" fits this category; you leave the theater saying "That wasn't too bad...man, did you see that Lakers game last night?" 

"Rental":  This rating indicates a movie that you see in the previews and say to your friend, "I'll be sure to miss that one."  Mostly forgettable, you couldn't lose too much by going to Hollywood Video and paying $3 to watch it with your sig other, but you would only do that if the video store was out of copies of "Ronin."  If you can, see this movie for free.  This is what your TV Guide would give "one and a half stars." 

"Hard Vice":  This rating is the bottom of the barrel.  A movie that only six other human beings have witnessed, this is the worst movie I have ever seen.  A Shannon Tweed "thriller," it is so bad as to be funny during almost every one of its 84 minutes, and includes the worst ending ever put into a movie.  Marginally worse than "Cabin Boy", "The Avengers" or "Leonard, Part 6", this rating means that you should avoid this movie at all costs, or no costs, EVEN IF YOU CAN SEE IT FOR FREE!  (Warning:  strong profanity will be used in all reviews of "Hard Vice"-rated movies.)