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"Teeth"

Directed by Mitchell Lichtenstein.
Written by Mitchell Lichtenstein.
Starring Jess Weixler, John Hensley, and Hale Appleman.
Release Year:  ?
Review Date:  1/30/07

Folks--

VAGINA DENTATA!!!

This much I know after seeing a midnight showing of the new horror/comedy/drama film "Teeth"--it was picked up late in the festival by a distributor, and I am VERY excited to see what the masses think about this one if it comes out with all of the footage included in the version I witnessed during the 2007 Sundance Film Festival...boy, what a whopper!  "Teeth" was undoubtedly the most outrageous film I saw at Sundance...buzz had been "love it or hate it" from other people I spoke with at the festival, but put me in the love it category!!

A high school student who is doing the rounds as a chastity advocate, Dawn (Jess Weixler, who won an acting award at Sundance for her performance) is a teenage virgin who has eyes for her advocacy partner and fellow virgin, Tobey (Hale Appleman).  The two are doing the courting dance when one day, they go off to the local grotto in the woods to make out...but, when Tobey tries to take it a bit too far physically, he pays the ultimate price for his mistake...with some of the nastiest teeth you could ever imagine!

"Teeth" then takes its strange blend of genres and shifts it into fifth gear...whether you like it or not, the second half of "Teeth" becomes the ultimate thrill ride, with so many shocking-yet-hilarious scenes that our theater was howling all the way to the finish line.  I was down for its raunchy, bloody mix of fun, but I could tell that a lot of other folks were not.  Bottom line for "Teeth": the ratings board might determine everything with this film.  (All Sundance films are unrated and uncut, so it's hard to say what the MPAA will force the filmmakers to do if they don't like any of what they see.)  The cut I saw was nearly 100% guaranteed to get an NC-17, and since it has a distributor, it is very likely to come down to an R to get mass distribution.

But, when "Teeth" sees the light of day, I highly recommend it.  Great performances by a mostly unknown cast (although "Nip/Tuck" star John Hensley plays Dawn's brother in the film), schlocky comedy and, well, wild kill scenes.  Whoa!

Rating:  Opening Weekend

 

Comments?  Drop me a line at justin@bellviewmovies.com.

 

Bellview Rating System:

"Opening Weekend":  This is the highest rating a movie can receive.  Reserved for movies that exhibit the highest level of acting, plot, character development, setting...or Salma Hayek.  Not necessarily in that order. 

"$X.XX Show":  This price changes each year due to the inflation of movie prices; currently, it is the $9.50 Show.  While not technically perfect, this is a movie that will still entertain you at a very high level.  "Undercover Brother" falls into this category; it's no "Casablanca", but you'll have a great time watching.  The $9.50 Show won't win any Oscars, but you'll be quoting lines from the thing for ages (see "Office Space"). 

"Matinee":  An average movie that merits no more than a $6.50 viewing at your local theater.  Seeing it for less than $9.50 will make you feel a lot better about yourself.  A movie like "Blue Crush" fits this category; you leave the theater saying "That wasn't too bad...man, did you see that Lakers game last night?" 

"Rental":  This rating indicates a movie that you see in the previews and say to your friend, "I'll be sure to miss that one."  Mostly forgettable, you couldn't lose too much by going to Hollywood Video and paying $3 to watch it with your sig other, but you would only do that if the video store was out of copies of "Ronin."  If you can, see this movie for free.  This is what your TV Guide would give "one and a half stars." 

"Hard Vice":  This rating is the bottom of the barrel.  A movie that only six other human beings have witnessed, this is the worst movie I have ever seen.  A Shannon Tweed "thriller," it is so bad as to be funny during almost every one of its 84 minutes, and includes the worst ending ever put into a movie.  Marginally worse than "Cabin Boy", "The Avengers" or "Leonard, Part 6", this rating means that you should avoid this movie at all costs, or no costs, EVEN IF YOU CAN SEE IT FOR FREE!  (Warning:  strong profanity will be used in all reviews of "Hard Vice"-rated movies.)