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"Heartbreakers"

Directed by David Mirkin.
Written by Robert Dunn, Paul Guay and Stephen Mazur. 
Starring Sigourney Weaver, Jennifer Love Hewitt and Gene Hackman.
Release Year:  2001 
Review Date:  3/21/01 

Folks-- 

Once again, Tricia "Hot" Ocampo scored some freebies so I went over to the local moviehouse to catch the upcoming Sigourney Weaver film "Heartbreakers" with my friends Lisa "Mmm, Beer" McWhirter, Christine "Non-Coffeenated Beverage" Voliva and her roommate Kim.  The preview for this movie seemed to give it all away in terms of this film's plot, so I was very worried that the movie would open strong and then have no legs throughout.

The movie starts out with a beautiful, slightly older woman (Weaver) marrying a chop shop owner (Ray Liotta) at a beautiful wedding ceremony.  They get up to their hotel room to fool around--they've been dating four months but have never, ahem, done the deed--and she falls asleep before they can consummate their new marriage.  Flash forward to the next morning, where the chop shop owner heads into the office and--in the midst of fooling around with his hot assistant (Jennifer Love Hewitt)--gets caught by Weaver and she immediately files for divorce.  We find out after the divorce settlement that Weaver and Love Hewitt are actually...two con women, who happen to be mother and daughter.  This all happens in the first ten minutes of the film, and later, when the women find out that the IRS has latched onto their tax evasion schemes, they need to complete "one last score" to pay taxes, make ends meet, never con again, blah blah blah.

Forget the plot.  This movie was some seriously funny shit.  I was surprised how much material the writers of this film milked out of its setup; once the women move on from Liotta, they attach themselves to a chain-smoking billionaire (Gene Hackman) in order to finish their scheming ways.  But, the cameos in this movie are hilarious!  So many actors that you have seen before--most notably old "Saturday Night Live" vets Kevin Nealon and Nora Dunn--make for great scenes in this movie, you will lose count.  Nealon's scene, in particular, will have you rolling, as Weaver and Love Hewitt make a bet to see who Nealon will buy a drink for first...every trick a girl has ever used in a bar comes out in this one-minute sequence and the audience in my theater just ate it up!  Hackman's character has this ridiculous whooping cough throughout the film and he gets some quality lines in during his all-too-brief screen time.  One of my favorite former indie actors, Jason Lee (before he sold out, since we all knew he had it coming), is Love Hewitt's love interest in "Heartbreakers" and he makes the most of his scenes.

The romance subplot in this film between Lee and Love Hewitt—especially given the way it starts--is ridiculous and insulting to all men, so in this respect, I didn't like that portion of it.  I just didn't believe it, and if you see the film, I think you will see what I mean.  The film also has a mind-numbing amount of cleavage throughout the movie, and this would normally be a good thing...except, I know it is fake in Weaver's case since I have seen almost every single one of her movies, and friends...she ain't got it THAT good!  But, Weaver does make a very convincing seductress, endowment or not, and I am always amazed that she can play this kind of role at this point in her career.  And, I was sitting near a bunch of guys, and I did hear noticeable gasps every time J-Love showed up...even I have to admit, the girl is pretty attractive.

A great surprise is the best way to describe "Heartbreakers"...there is plenty for the guys and, as the girls that I went with can attest, plenty for the ladies to laugh at, too.

Rating:  $8.25 Show

 

Comments?  Drop me a line at justin@bellviewmovies.com.

 

Bellview Rating System:

"Opening Weekend":  This is the highest rating a movie can receive.  Reserved for movies that exhibit the highest level of acting, plot, character development, setting...or Salma Hayek.  Not necessarily in that order. 

"$X.XX Show":  This price changes each year due to the inflation of movie prices; currently, it is the $9.50 Show.  While not technically perfect, this is a movie that will still entertain you at a very high level.  "Undercover Brother" falls into this category; it's no "Casablanca", but you'll have a great time watching.  The $9.50 Show won't win any Oscars, but you'll be quoting lines from the thing for ages (see "Office Space"). 

"Matinee":  An average movie that merits no more than a $6.50 viewing at your local theater.  Seeing it for less than $9.50 will make you feel a lot better about yourself.  A movie like "Blue Crush" fits this category; you leave the theater saying "That wasn't too bad...man, did you see that Lakers game last night?" 

"Rental":  This rating indicates a movie that you see in the previews and say to your friend, "I'll be sure to miss that one."  Mostly forgettable, you couldn't lose too much by going to Hollywood Video and paying $3 to watch it with your sig other, but you would only do that if the video store was out of copies of "Ronin."  If you can, see this movie for free.  This is what your TV Guide would give "one and a half stars." 

"Hard Vice":  This rating is the bottom of the barrel.  A movie that only six other human beings have witnessed, this is the worst movie I have ever seen.  A Shannon Tweed "thriller," it is so bad as to be funny during almost every one of its 84 minutes, and includes the worst ending ever put into a movie.  Marginally worse than "Cabin Boy", "The Avengers" or "Leonard, Part 6", this rating means that you should avoid this movie at all costs, or no costs, EVEN IF YOU CAN SEE IT FOR FREE!  (Warning:  strong profanity will be used in all reviews of "Hard Vice"-rated movies.)