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2003 Bellview Awards, Part II

1/6/04

Folks--

I may not be back at a computer until next week, so I’ll send out Part II and Part III right now.  Let’s keep ridin’ it! 

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Biggest Fucking Piece of Shit—“Gerry”

You really must see this film to understand the depths of bad filmmaking…at least in “The Matrix Revolutions”, there was something going on

 

Most Overrated Flick—“Thirteen”

The hype machine for “Thirteen” was out of this world…kind of like a plot that reads like an ABC Afterschool Special on speed

 

Most Disappointing Flick—“Once Upon a Time in Mexico”

I was almost in tears after watching this film.  If Johnny Depp didn’t save this picture by himself, I would have given it a Hard Vice.  Salma Hayek in just four scenes, and dead in two of them?  “Revolutions” would have appeared here, but even I could tell after “Reloaded” that “Revolutions” wasn’t going to be a classic

 

Biggest Surprise Flick—“School of Rock”

I literally didn’t see a single trailer for this film before it opened, and although I’m not a softie, I must admit that “School of Rock” is just joyous

 

The 20 Best Movie Moments of the Year:

A “movie moment” is essentially when you have a scene where everyone in the audience seems to have the same reaction—maybe it’s a big laugh, or an awe-inspiring stunt, or a moment where everyone in the audience, even “that guy that never cries”, cries.  Two of my favorite examples of movie moments:  the scene in “The Full Monty” where the guys are all in line and they all start feeling the beat of a song, and the ending of “Glory”, which makes every single man in America cry when they watch it.  Everyone who has ever seen “The Full Monty” felt SOMETHING during that scene, and it is just movie magic because you get this little smile that runs across your face as you watch it all take place.  Note that movie moments are not always positive, like this year’s #1.  Yes, I have been taking notes on this all year, so it’s not off the cuff...my memory isn’t THAT good.

20-“The Last Samurai”:  “Bob, I was remiss earlier for not thanking you for all of your help…”

19-“Swimming Pool”:  The dance scene—“Let’s Do It”—featuring an old English woman!

18-“Scary Movie 3”:  “I like to call her…Linda…” or Leslie Nielsen’s end bit:  “I just want you to know:  we’re counting on you”

17-“Elf”:  The snowball fight

16-“Anger Management”:  The Heather Graham cameo, with Nicholson’s smile in slow-motion

15-“Bruce Almighty”:  Evan having trouble with his on-air English, thanks to Bruce

14-“Man on the Train”:  The scene at the barbershop

13-“Something’s Gotta Give”:  The sex scene

12-“In the Cut”:  “Some girls just don’t have a good sense of c**k, that’s all”

11-“Final Destination 2”:  The ridiculous, awesome opening premonition sequence

10-“25th Hour”:  Frank and Jakob look out of Frank’s downtown New York City apartment window

9—“Elephant”:  The scene where Alex and Eric first enter the school

8—“American Wedding”:  The Stifler-Bear dance-off

7—“School of Rock”:  Dewey assigns roles to the kids in the band

6—“Bad Boys II”:  The speech by the Boys at the front door of Marcus’ house to the teenager

5—“LOTR: ROTK”:  When the Riders of Rohan show up to fight the good fight

4—“Love Actually”:  Colin, God of Sex, going to the bar in Milwaukee, Wisconsin

3—“Pieces of April”:  “The thing about Smack Daddy is…”; the Krispy Kreme scenes; “Nobody likes it out of the can.”

2—“Old School”:  Too many to mention, but “Keep on truckin’” still stands out for me

1—“Irreversible”:  Bellucci’s underground experience is the most shocking scene in film history—there, I said it.  Somebody had to

 

The 10 Best Action Scenes of the Year:

Hey, it WAS the Year of the Action Film...and, save for the movie that opened on November 5th, there was much happiness and bloodshed all year long.

10-“T3: Rise of the Machines”:  The initial car chase

9—“2 Fast 2 Furious”:  The opening drag race

8—“X2”:  The opening sequence featuring Nightcrawler

7—“Master and Commander”:  The end battle

6—“A Man Apart”:  The drug bust that goes awry

5—“Open Range”:  The end shootout

4—“Bad Boys II”:  Freeway chase scene

3—“House of the Dead”:  The shootout in front of the House.  So much dying...

2—“Kill Bill Volume I”:  The end group battle with Cottonmouth’s gang

1—“The Matrix Reloaded”:  That highway sequence still makes me smile...but the best shot?  Morpheus firing at the Escalade.

 

Ahh, just one more leg to go!  Part III

 

Comments?  Drop me a line at justin@bellviewmovies.com.