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2002 Bellview Awards

1/8/03

Folks--

Let’s hit it!

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Best Flick—“Y Tu Mama Tambien”

So many came close, but time and again, I come back to “Y Tu Mama Tambien” as my favorite flick of the year.  The dialogue, the setting, the sex scenes and the chill attitude just make this the perfect film for 2002.

2. “The Lord of the Rings:  The Two Towers”

3. “The Independent”

4. “Dogtown and Z-Boys”

5. “Monsoon Wedding”

 

Best Actress—Diane Lane, “Unfaithful”

She had it back in May, and no one else came close to taking it from her.  If she doesn’t get nominated for an Oscar for this role, she ought to consider retirement.

2. Salma Hayek, “Frida”

3. Julianne Moore, “Far From Heaven”

4. Maribel Verdu, “Y Tu Mama Tambien”

5. Jennifer Aniston, “The Good Girl”

 

Best Actor—Robin Williams, “One Hour Photo”

His Sy Parrish is Williams’ most frightening portrayal, because I just couldn’t help but think, “I wonder if the real Robin is this crazy.”  Probably!

2. Jerry Stiller, “The Independent”

3. Jack Nicholson, “About Schmidt”

4. Dennis Quaid, “The Rookie”

5. Jeffrey Tambor, “Never Again”

 

Best Supporting Actress—Kathy Bates, “About Schmidt”

Almost steals the whole movie.  With a couple more movies due in 2003, it looks like Bates is just hitting stride, odd for someone in the biz for so long.

2. Yoon-jin Kim, “Shiri”

3. Emily Mortimer, “Lovely & Amazing”

4. Kyra Sedgwick, “Personal Velocity”

5. Maggie Gyllenhaal, “Secretary”

 

Best Supporting Actor—Neil Patrick Harris, “Undercover Brother”

Two words:  “Daddy?”

2. Gael Garcia Bernal and Diego Luna, “Y Tu Mama Tambien”

3. Daniel Day-Lewis, “Gangs of New York”

4. Jude Law, “Road to Perdition”

5. Matthew Lillard, “Scooby Doo” (simply put, the guy IS Shaggy and that is what defines acting!)

 

Worst Freakin’ Flick—“Windtalkers”

Given the talent level, “Windtalkers” is a shockingly poor film directed by The Greatest Action Film Director of All Time, John Woo, and starring Oscar-winning actor Nicolas Cage.  Given how much the film cost and how much it made back, “Windtalkers” was an easy lock for worst film of the year.

 

Best Movie Moments of the Year:

1. “Star Wars, Episode II:  Attack of the Clones”:  Yoda at the end.  Simply, this is what the movies are all about

2. “Y Tu Mama Tambien”:  When Luisa asks one of the boys to remove his towel

3. “The Rules of Attraction”:  Victor’s whirlwind European tour

4. “XXX”:  The line of the year—“Bitches...COME!!”

5. “Monsoon Wedding”:  When PJ, the wedding planner, first breaks out his busted smile

6. “Austin Powers in Goldmember”:  the opening sequence—and, the perfect cameos—for “Austinpussy”

7. “Road to Perdition”:  That rainy massacre near the end of the film.  Maybe the coolest shot of the year

8. “About Schmidt”:  The hot tub scene

9. “Showtime”:  Shatner shows Murphy how to “test for cocaine”, then goes outside and shows him how to get into a police car

10. “The Rookie”:  When Jim enters the stadium near the end of the film

11. “Blade 2”:  As “Name of the Game” is being played, Blade rises out of the blood pool

12. “Barbershop”:  “FUCK Jesse Jackson!”

13. “Lovely and Amazing”:  When Elizabeth asks Kevin to pick out her physical strengths and weaknesses...in the nude.  Whoa!

14. “The Fluffer”:  “Do you know what your job is?”

15. “Undercover Brother”:  “You had sex with a white girl?  [Pause]  So, how was it?”

16. “40 Days & 40 Nights”:  The orgasm scene

17. “Dogtown and Z-Boys”:  The Tony Alba aerial photograph

18. “The Independent”:  The list of Morty’s 400 film credits; the titles are hilarious

 

Best Bellview Essay:  “The Usual Suspects”

The profile of my co-workers while working at Fidelity National Title ended up being the most-responded-to essay of the year.  Something about those eight women, including Josephine (a.k.a. “The Whispershitter”), struck a chord with the masses.

2. Justin Bell, Temporary Employee

3. Potpourri I (highlighted by “Checkout Register 8”, a prophylactic tale)

4. Only $15 (pedicures)

5. The Bell / Longer Hottie Scale

6. The Trik Template (e-mail templates for girls that are looking to blow off a new prospect)

7. Bikram? (yoga)

 

Comments?  Drop me a line at justin@bellviewmovies.com.

 

Bellview Rating System:

"Opening Weekend":  This is the highest rating a movie can receive.  Reserved for movies that exhibit the highest level of acting, plot, character development, setting...or Salma Hayek.  Not necessarily in that order. 

"$X.XX Show":  This price changes each year due to the inflation of movie prices; currently, it is the $9.50 Show.  While not technically perfect, this is a movie that will still entertain you at a very high level.  "Undercover Brother" falls into this category; it's no "Casablanca", but you'll have a great time watching.  The $9.50 Show won't win any Oscars, but you'll be quoting lines from the thing for ages (see "Office Space"). 

"Matinee":  An average movie that merits no more than a $6.50 viewing at your local theater.  Seeing it for less than $9.50 will make you feel a lot better about yourself.  A movie like "Blue Crush" fits this category; you leave the theater saying "That wasn't too bad...man, did you see that Lakers game last night?" 

"Rental":  This rating indicates a movie that you see in the previews and say to your friend, "I'll be sure to miss that one."  Mostly forgettable, you couldn't lose too much by going to Hollywood Video and paying $3 to watch it with your sig other, but you would only do that if the video store was out of copies of "Ronin."  If you can, see this movie for free.  This is what your TV Guide would give "one and a half stars." 

"Hard Vice":  This rating is the bottom of the barrel.  A movie that only six other human beings have witnessed, this is the worst movie I have ever seen.  A Shannon Tweed "thriller," it is so bad as to be funny during almost every one of its 84 minutes, and includes the worst ending ever put into a movie.  Marginally worse than "Cabin Boy", "The Avengers" or "Leonard, Part 6", this rating means that you should avoid this movie at all costs, or no costs, EVEN IF YOU CAN SEE IT FOR FREE!  (Warning:  strong profanity will be used in all reviews of "Hard Vice"-rated movies.)