48-Zip

When I told folks that I wanted to go down for our annual trip to South Beach not only to do the normal club/beach/club bits, but to watch UVA play Miami in the final home game for the Hurricanes at the Orange Bowl, you can imagine that there were more than a few looks of "What the fuck are you doing with your life?"

Even I had to admit: this was risky. At the time, we were just about to lose in a pasting at the hands of Wyoming, start the season 0-1 and create a legion of "Fire Al Groh" fans; not exactly the kind of team you would pay money to see in Charlottesville, let alone on the road. But, it would be cool to be in the Orange Bowl for a big sendoff, and even then, I knew that this would be A Big Deal.

Fast forward to this past weekend, the weekend of the game. Gordon "The Professional" Stokes and I arrived in Miami around 7 PM on Friday; it was crisp, relatively dry for Florida, and 70°. I was traveling without my lovely fiancée Meg, so I had the chance to hang out guy-style with Mr. Stokes and make random commentary on just about every hottie/cougar/buffet plate/questionably-underage female that walked by. We hopped a cab to the beach, where we stayed at the Clay Hotel (advice: don't), got cleaned up and had a great night on the town Friday night.

Saturday's day of perfection started early. And, by "early", I mean noon. Gordon and I made our way to Ocean Drive to get drinks at the Clevelander; sadly, that spot is under renovation right now, so we went to a bar three doors down and sat on the sidewalk, where we proceeded to do happy hour SoBe-style, sipping $19 cocktails (it was 2-for-1) and staring at the wonderfully diverse array of surgically-perfected goodness that decided that "Saturdays...in the Park" should be an all-year affair. God bless them for that; for about two hours, we sat in shorts and t-shirts in 80° weather and just thanked everyone who had ever come into our lives for allowing us a brief moment of happiness. I don't think enough people take time out of their autumn to sit back and enjoy the good life; we as Americans think that because it's holiday season, they shouldn't go anywhere in November and December, but I'm here to tell you, I will make trips to a beach in November a regular part of my life from this point forward...just fucking spectacular.

We met up with the rest of our team over the course of the day and then just prior to game time. That team would include Fayette, a classmate and former dormmate of Gordon and myself "back in the day"; fellow Wahoos Lauren (a friend of Fayette's) and Quan, and Quan's fiancé Eric. So, we were six deep when we hopped a cab and rolled over to the Orange Bowl, about 15 minutes from South Beach...but, a lifetime away from decency.

That's because the Orange Bowl--bless its heart--is a 100% shithole in a not-so-great part of town.

The Orange Bowl (aka "The OB") is decrepit, and even a first-timer like myself could sense that. The stadium announcer is atrocious, so atrocious that I was noticing his atrociousness each and every time he announced the end of a play. The bleacher seats aren't bad, but they are packed too close together...so, once again, tall guys like myself lose, because there is almost zero knee space. Getting into the building was an exercise in cattle herding; rather than roping off lines or opening more gates, the OB staff was happy to allow decent people to be herded in bottlenecks around the stadium, badly delaying entry to the stadium.

But, this--and, many other reasons--is why they are closing the Orange Bowl; the 'Canes will play at Dolphins Stadium starting next season. And, to send off the team in style, the school provided for a blowout celebration that was legitimately a pull-out-all-the-stops party for the final home game. What am I talking about?

Jon Secada singing the national anthem. Hey, I still can't name a single Jon Secada song, but I know that for quite a while, this guy was really freakin' huge. And, his rendition of the anthem was nothing short of amazing. I mean, Secada sung with passion that even my cold, dead heart recognized; I screamed "BRING BACK SECADA!" throughout the night once the game started.
The Rock doing the team introduction. Sure, he played at Miami "back in the day", but at this point in his career, he's like one level below Schwarzenegger/Stallone/Willis in terms of action-star status, and the guy has charisma; no one doubts this. When he came on the PA system, there were small children (read: 32-year-old adults) gleefully jumping around the stands in anticipation. This was AWESOME.
Fireworks and loud music galore. Main difference between Charlottesville and downtown Miami, besides, oh, everything? Well, in Charlottesville, it's [insert white 70s/80s pop/rock hit here]; in Miami, it's [insert loud, thumping hip-hop or techno music here]. When you want to get fired up, "Shook Me All Night Long" just doesn't always cut it for me the same way that a Jay-Z song does. It's a football game, not a frat party, you know?

So, the game finally gets underway after UVA wins the coin toss and defers to the second half. We kick to Miami, they do nothing, then Miami punts and nets a great play--the punt is downed at the 4-yard-line. UVA, on the road, backed up, the OB is CRAZY loud, history is not on our side--UVA was 0-15 in games played in the state of Florida coming into this--and the roughly 1,000 UVA fans who have made the trip to Miami for the game are just nervously hoping we can go three-and-out and get a great punt.

And then, something very strange happened. Well, wait, two strange things happened. First, we drove down the field in seven plays and scored a touchdown. Second, we drove the ball down the field with frightening ease. All of the fans in the UVA section were shocked. It was as if Miami's players had swapped uniforms with Duke, because even on the first drive of the game, we blew down the field so fast that by the time I blinked, we had already crossed midfield. It was stunning; as Gordon and I commented throughout the night, it was as if Miami's athletes couldn't even keep up with Virginia's athletes...I can't think of a time where from a purely athletic perspective, we looked so good. Our players looked faster and stronger than everyone wearing a Miami uniform.

And, this became a theme.

Following what ended up being the play of the game--when UVA's next drive appeared to end with a fumble and a Miami fumble return for a touchdown before being wiped out by a penalty--UVA proceeded to play what appeared to me as the best single game they have ever played against a legitimate college football franchise. (No, Buffalo and Duke don't count.) Simply put, we absolutely fucking waxed the Miami Hurricanes. We steamrolled them. We demolished them. It was a complete whitewash. Running plays worked. Quarterback draws and options worked. The short and intermediate pass plays worked. At one point, we ran what looked like a tight end five-yard curl route on four or five straight pass plays, and it worked every time. We had passing touchdowns, rushing touchdowns, quarterback sneak touchdowns, and a defensive touchdown. We were 7-for-12 on third down; UVA's quarterback, Jameel Sewell, was 20-for-25 in the game, not bad for a guy that looked like he had never played quarterback just a year ago during a blowout loss to Georgia Tech (which can be relived here).

And, each time we scored, Miami did nothing. Yes, I know--this is NOT the Miami of recent lore. They don't have legitimate NFL talent right now; the days of Bernie Kosar are long, long gone. Hell, we even beat Miami in Charlottesville just last year. But, this is still MIAMI, you know? Recruiting in Florida is good because--usually--the athletes are great, so even if they aren't polished, at least they are fast and incredibly gifted from a physical perspective. And the 2007 'Canes don't appear to have talent at any position on the field.

Usually, that has meant that UVA has blown it in these kinds of games. Which gets us back to the level of shock being felt in our tiny section of fans. UVA fans just kept trading looks with each other; no one even knew what to say, as the lead grew from 14-0 to 17-0 to 24-0 to a halftime score of 31-0; even the most skeptical of fans was looking around saying things like "WE ARE WHOOPING YOUR ASS!!!!" to slightly-disgruntled 'Canes fans. (That was me.) I wish that all of you were standing there next to me during the halftime show; it was a mix of the surreal. There, on the field, was a Legends of Miami Football presentation, where guys like Bennie Blades, Russell Maryland and Gino Torretta were being honored; meanwhile, we are all sitting in the stands in shock, wondering how we could have received Christmas gifts so early this year. I mean, UVA was up 31 TO NOTHING at halftime over an ACC opponent!! And, an opponent not called Duke!!

And, as big as the lead was, Coach Al Groh never let up. The starters played in this game all the way to the end. We were still chuckin' it--Spurrier-style--midway through the fourth quarter, with the game completely over at that point. UVA fans in the OB were just happy to be in the building, let alone on the side that was just trouncing the competition. I was high-fiving stuffy khaki-wearing old white guys down to small children who didn't even know what "tight end" meant. I was dancing with Gordon and Quan in the stands every time we had a first down. My txt trigger hand wasn't able to keep up with all of the txt I was getting from UVA fans all over the nation. Every time I thought it was going to end, we'd make another eight yards on first down, or intercept a Miami pass, or hit a receiver in stride.

I mean, we were up so big, the UVA fans were BORED with ten minutes to go in the game. Hell, we left with about four minutes to go, up 41-0, and then UVA scored again while we were leaving the building! That's right--we won this game 48 to nothing! Zip! ZERO!!! We couldn't stop arguing on the way out of the building--what's better: scoring fifty points or shutting the other team out? (We settled on the shutout.) Friends, and casual friends who don't follow UVA football--we NEVER do this. We don't beat conference teams 92-50 in ACC basketball, we don't smoke teams 42-0 in ACC football, we don't beat down opponents 8-0 in ACC soccer. (At least, not normally.) We are one of the nation's few schools that has never been accused of "running it up" when we've had a big lead. People, we LOST OUR FUCKING HOMECOMING GAME LAST YEAR. But we completely embarrassed Miami on its home field in the final game at the Orange Bowl, and I am one of very few people who can say that I was there to see it live.

This has replaced the FSU upset in '95 as my new favorite in-person UVA sports memory, something that I thought would never happen. It's not even close. There's something sweet about walking out of the other guy's stadium and eyeing up fans from the other team with that "we just kicked you in the balls, friend" look on your face, especially when they're going to literally blow the building up in just a few months. Man, that was fun!!!

Random Bellviews, courtesy of Bell and Longer Community Trust:

The trailer for "There Will Be Blood": Opening Weekend
Pork loin, Spanish rice, peas and carrots: $9.50 Show
Indian summer one day...cold reality the next: Matinee
The Clay Hotel: Rental
Spending $2.95/gallon for "cheap" gas in Stafford, VA: Hard Vice

bellview--when in doubt, shoot the three

48-Zip