Potpourri IX

I Just Saved a Bunch of Money on My Car Insurance!

I have been with Progressive Insurance since I bought my Saturn in 1997, and they have been good to me over the years. Now that I have moved back east, I decided to shop around a little bit for a new rate, and since Progressive does a rate-comparison service for free, I decided to match up Progressive’s rate with whoever came back in their system.

Because car companies use different factors to give you different rates on your vehicle, it is important that you do this more often than my lazy ass did...cause the phone call I had today almost made me start to cry.

I drive a 1997 Saturn SL1 (4-door). I had it appraised last week at a Saturn dealership, and the grand total was just over $1,000, and the blue book ain’t much sunnier. In California, I was paying a grand for just the six-month insurance policy; if I had that happen again, selling the car was the only math I was willing to live with, especially if I live downtown.

Here were the rates for a six-month policy that came back for someone with no tickets or accidents over the last four years, now living in Silver Spring, Maryland (minimum coverages in Maryland are 20/40/15):

Progressive: $918.00
Allstate: $1,750.00
State Farm: $535.00
GEICO: $258.00

That’s right—I saved about $275 on my car insurance. You know those goofy GEICO commercials where you have that judge give out the ruling in that trial? “Good news, everybody...I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance!” and everyone shakes his hand like they know what he is talking about...man, I wanted to run outside and kick my heels in the air. Then I realized

I Love Snow, But I Hate Cold

I was in New York City with my friend Tina E (the other one) back in January and we were walking along the Hudson in Fort Tryon Park, and as we came up to the Cloisters—da CLOYstas!—a heavy, biting wind hit us square in the face. At that moment, I remembered what it was about the East Coast that I hadn’t missed for the last two years: that nasty wind off of the water, especially when it is only five degrees before you add in the wind chill.

I tried to tell this to Teens, through my scarf:

J: “Jeez, the fffrrr s kllllg ma! Wrr ah mmbr dat!”
T: “I cnt beelf s ds hapg!”

I was in Boston the weekend of the Pats/Titans game, when at game time it was two degrees; I didn’t even go outside that day until the game, and I don’t ever remember being outside with a wind chill where it was like thirty below. Even the locals were running from the corner store to their apartments; when the locals are complaining about the cold—especially up in Cold Central New England—I KNOW that shit is crazy. Kind of like

McGriddles

Greg “Abes” Abel wrote me last year to see when I was going to write about the McGriddle; in checking my records, I don’t think I ever have, and I need to bring you people up to speed.

Brian “Schmoove” Prenoveau—now gallivanting around South America, Central America, the Honduras, and your mom’s house—went out for breakfast in NYC last year and although he never goes to get fast food for breakfast, he went with a buddy from work to get some McD’s. His buddy told him he needed to try the McGriddle, and Brian grudgingly obliged...and then called me fifteen minutes later.

S: “Bell, listen to me, you have GOT to fuckin’ try these things! It’s like they captured the essence of syrup in the damn thing!”
J: “Are they better than the sausage biscuits?”
S [pause for effect]: “WAY better.”

I was stunned. The McDonald’s breakfast for me is almost like homemade; for years, the Hotcakes and Sausage meal was a staple, then I moved to the Sausage Biscuit and Hash Brown setup...but now, could I change my ways?

When Brian came out to San Francisco in July, we rolled out to a McD’s and I bought two Sausage McGriddles...and, my life has magically changed forever. Kind of like Tony the Tiger, I had to admit that the pancake/syrup hybrid combo model wasn’t just good, it was grrrrrrreeeeeaaaaattttttt!!

Singles Awareness Day Blows...

My friend Jennifer went out to a restaurant on Valentine’s Day that she knew specifically did NOT take reservations. To her chagrin, the owner’s of the Tapeo (tapas bar in Boston) informed her upon arrival, “Bad news, for tonight only, we took reservations...but you are right, normally, we do not take them.”

Jennifer went to two other restaurants that told her and her friend Angelie the same thing: sorry, we didn’t tell anybody, but for Valentine’s Day only, we take reservations and since YOU don’t have any, we can’t seat you.

That’s the great thing about Valentine’s Day: for pretty much every place except McDonald’s, our nation’s new motto is “Couples Only.” I try and relate now to how it must be for Jews when Christmas rolls around, and the similarities are quite striking. On Christmas, Jewish Americans have nothing really to celebrate on this day save for having a day off; most of my Jewish friends growing up in Rockville pretty much remained out of sight on December 25th, almost as if they were conceding that that day is for the Gentiles, and the Gentiles only. Valentine’s Day is a lot like that for single people—you get that feeling, from the fact that everything has become so commercialized, that if you are single, your kind is not welcome at local movie theaters, bars, clubs, and especially restaurants on February 14th, just because it’s Love Day. Thanks, but no thanks.

I stayed in that night, avoiding most phone calls and watching my DVD copy of “Gladiator.” That sure had a bunch of love on it! Speaking of love,

Lance Armstrong Makes Me Sick

Seriously, I don’t know much about this, but the fact that five-time Tour de France champ Lance Armstrong is laying Sheryl Crow—part-time rock star, full-time homewrecker—just makes me want to fucking puke. Profiled by Rick Reilly in the last issue of Sports Illustrated (jeez, Rick, call ahead before selling out), it sounds like Sheryl and Lance are full-on in love. I really enjoyed how Reilly just kind of skimmed over the wife that Lance dumped for the rocker, and how he lives less than a mile from his former wife and kids. Couldn’t you at least leave town, you asshole? Was it not enough that your former wife stuck with you through all of that, you know, cancer business? What a rat. What a rat!!

I’m sure that’s what Red Sox fans were calling A-Rod this week, but one thing’s for sure:

The Yankees Will Score 1000 Runs This Season

I didn’t want to say anything until it was a done deal, but now that it is, I can’t tell you how excited I am by the New York Yankees starting lineup. With the historic signing of Alex Rodriguez, the Bombers now have a lineup one has to consider as maybe the best order since the ’27 Bombers: a potential row of Kenny Lofton (CF), Derek Jeter (SS), A-Rod (3B), Gary Sheffield (RF), Bernie Williams (DH), Jason Giambi (1B), Jorge Posada (C), Hideki Matsui (LF) and, shit, your mom batting ninth and playing second base. Seriously, I have never been this excited about any team I am a fan of for any reason ever. Don’t get me wrong: I am well aware the Yankees will be counting on some guy named Contreras to win 20 games next year (riiiiiiiight) and save for Mike Mussina will be pitching poor for the early parts of the season, although a healthy Kevin Brown would be a big bonus. But, the AL East is just going to be a ton of fun this year to watch.

The Red Sox look good, the Blue Jays look good, and even the Orioles have enough reason for you to believe they could win some series from the better teams over the course of a long season. But, offensively, you can’t pitch around anybody in the Yankees order, and there’s a perfect balance of lefties and righties in the lineup, and solid relief on the bench with Tony Clark, Karim Garcia and John Flaherty—players that know they don’t need to start, but are willing contributors, not stars with the big egos.

I say it each year, but once again, I feel really bad for Red Sox fans everywhere. Even if they had gotten A-Rod, didn’t you think that you would still blow it in the end? Don’t worry, I did, and I know that if you added 9 A-Rods right now to the Red Sox order, they would lose to a guy named Aaron Boone in the seventh game of the ALCS in New York. Naw, that would never happen again...would it?

Random Bellviews, courtesy of Bell and Longer Community Trust:

“You know what we should do? Have a Bacon Party Social, and dress up and eat bacon-wrapped scallops!”: Opening Weekend
Making fun of Canadians by using a hand puppet: $9.50 Show
Helping a friend with an Oscar pool worth almost $400...and being told that if your partner wins, you’ll get six bucks: Matinee
10 AM appointment—remove patient’s right breast: Rental
Going from front-runner status to humble pie in just 60 days: Hard Vice

bellview--i love to nibble

Potpourri IX