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This IS a Real Person

1/12/05

So, I'm hangin' out with my friends Mandy, Wim and Wendy (as I am apt to do on occasion) and the conversation turns to Wendy's recent trip to Boston.  Wendy went to visit some friends, but one of those friends stands out for the reasons that will be outlined below.  The overlying question you should have after reading the description below is,

"Wendy, why haven't you married this muthafucka already?"

because, that is the only question I was left with after hearing about this person.  Wim and I--both as hetero as they come--are trying to fly this guy here to DC so that we can spend some quality time with him; Wim even went so far as to (jokingly) offer his wife Mandy an out by hangin' out with this guy, because all of us think that you are never going to meet a better guy than the one described below.

This IS a real person.

---

Michael is an acquaintance of Wendy's that was introduced to her about a year and a half ago.  Since then, Michael has been dating someone in the Boston area, but recently, they split, leaving Michael back in the open.  Whether Wendy said it or not, it sounded to me like Michael was always floating around in her mind as a possibility if he ever became single again, but being the nice person that she is, she never wished any ill will on that relationship...but, she kept tabs on it.  Although we are supposed to say things like "there's other fish in the sea" or some other line to imply that great people grow on trees, I have decided that not only is Michael the greatest guy I have ever heard of, he's would also be the most incredible creation of all time should he ever be played by an actor on film.  All of the information below was relayed to us by Wendy, so no, I have never met him, and for the women of Boston, no, I don't have his phone number.

Michael is in his 20s, and he is a former male model.  His friends call him "Male Model Michael", or Triple-M, so that's what I will call him for the rest of this essay.

MMM is 6'2", reasonably well cut (but not in that intimidating way...that warm, inviting, "hey honey, you can caress my arms, I don't mind" way), and humble.  He's funny, but he's all-world funny:  he can be silly, he can be witty, he can do slapstick, he can make that joke at a party that makes you think he could be a lot funnier if he wanted to be.  But, he's also quite deep--he doesn't seem to be very interested in the fake conversation of the average bar-hopper, hoping to make small talk turn into big booty...no, he seems to genuinely care about everyone around him, whether he's your boy or your bellboy, your best friend or that guy who forgot to wear a wristwatch.

He's the kind of guy that, upon your arrival into town, makes you a three-course meal from scratch at his house (after a long work day doing...wait, I'll get there), complete with candles and an atmosphere more inviting than South Beach in January.  Then, after dinner and some wine, he'll proceed to talk about everything under the sun with you--hanging on your every word, keeping eye contact steadier than the losing consistency of the LA Clippers--for, oh, SEVEN HOURS, and not once ask you if you'd like to go upstairs, or inquire as to why you are still dressed, or if you'd like a bowl of dong.  He's got the magic working, the mojo, the whatever...but, he's cool enough to say "hey, I'm Male Model Michael, for chrissakes...I'm just gonna hang out tonight and really get to know this woman."

Given his background, maybe this shouldn't be a surprise.  I mean, he is a graduate of the University of Virginia Law School (he did undergrad, naturally, at Berkeley), which speaks to his character; he is a former violin player, a writer, and a painter, which helps to dig into Michael's varying interests.  He somehow found time to play water polo for Berkeley while he was there; sure, he wasn't playing Division I football, but have you seen some of those water polo guys?

How did he pay for law school, anyway?  "Well, he was doing modeling work part-time back then," says Wendy, giving me some indication of what even part-time models make these days.  Of course, if you are doing runway shows and print ads for Gucci, Dolce & Gabbana and Clairol (yes, Clairol), I guess things aren't too bad in the world.  It also helped explain why Michael can name-drop people like Christy Turlington, Tyson Beckford and Paris Hilton without sounding like he is rubbing it in your face; they were former co-workers on some of his gigs, not celebrity hobnobbing that the common man might use to one-up a buddy at a party.

After finishing school and doing some more modeling, he settled down in Boston and decided to pursue a career in intellectual property law.  Loving the work but apparently bored with the money (my assumption, not Wendy's), Michael decided to do most of his cases pro bono...or, in English, for FREE.  According to FindLaw Career Center, the average first-year salary for lawyers in Boston is about $120,000...but, Michael felt the people of Boston that had intellectual property concerns needed his help, and since some couldn't afford it, he just up and started working on most of his cases for free.

Doing pro bono law work doesn't sound very profitable, but it sounds like Michael saved fairly well, since he OWNS a one-bedroom apartment in Boston's South End (I'm still looking for one-bedrooms online that go for less than half a million) and is building an apartment in Costa Rica--

"Actually, Justin--sorry that I'm laughing about this, it's just kinda funny--he's building a hacienda.  With his own bare hands."

My bad, a hacienda.  From fucking scratch.  Robinson Crusoe, I am not...but apparently, MMM is.

As ridiculous as all of this sounded to me, we hadn't even covered the real kicker in all of this.  "Michael's a great cook," said Wendy.  "He made a couple of great meals over the weekend, including a Persian meal that included the boiling of chicken stock for a day or two before using that for the meal."  Oh, and that's stock from the chicken, not pre-packaged chicken stock.  By this time, Wim has been dropping "Of course he did" or "Of course he is" after each slightly-more-ridiculous new nugget of knowledge.

"And, Michael bakes his own bread.  It's kind of weird--a good weird--but he flies in the yeast from San Francisco."

Mandy, Wim and I all lost it.  I'm still thinking today if I know anyone that bakes their own bread.  The muthafucka bakes his own bread!

Wim summarized better than I can, thanks to the movies:  "Women want him, and men want to be him."  I tried to think of what other questions I would need to ask MMM should I have the chance to meet him...

• Can you fly your own plane?

• Do you have any patents or copyrights that I should be aware of?

• Do you have any nicknames, like "Thomas Crown" or "Hef"?

• Do you have a sister?

"Yeah, he has a sister," answered Wendy.  "She's fairly hot...and, she's in the Peace Corps."

Of course she is.

 

Random Bellviews, courtesy of Bell & Longer Community Trust:

• Birthdays with family:  Opening Weekend

• Birthdays with friends:  Opening Weekend

• Birthdays with co-workers:  Opening Weekend

• Birthdays with strangers:  Opening Weekend

• Birthdays at all:  Opening Weekend

 

justin@bellviewmovies.com