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Singles Awareness Day

2/14/01

hate (hayt) v.  1. regard with extreme aversion; detest.  2. dislike.  --n.  1. an extreme feeling of dislike or animosity; hatred.  2. a person or thing detested.

The above is the Funk & Wagnalls definition of the word "hate."  I only use it in extreme circumstances; I hate couscous.  I hate the Red Sox.  I hate DC traffic.

And, I hate Valentine's Day.

There is something peculiar about Valentine's Day that I just don't like.  My friend Monica and I had breakfast this past weekend and she talked with much energy how much she too hates Valentine's Day; she hates it so much she has taken to calling it Singles Awareness Day, which sadly summarizes the day for those not formally attached to another person.  In fact, almost every single person that I spoke to this week to do research on this day met my questions with the same vigor:

They all hate Valentine's Day.

So, why, you ask?  I have been trying to sum it all up into an executive summary of what is wrong with this day.  So, here we go.

-->The idea that love is more important on Valentine's Day

Let's face it--for many couples, they seem to express the sentiment of love more fully on Valentine's Day than any other day.  For whatever reason, a couple is more likely to have a nice dinner, make love or hit that countryside bed-and-breakfast on Valentine's Day JUST BECAUSE IT IS VALENTINE'S DAY.  Doesn't that strike you as strange?

I don't know about anybody else, but I am looking to get my swerve on (don't worry, Dad, the kids are saying that these days) and get "all up in it" all year with a ladyfriend if I had the opportunity.  I love people all year long, so why should I feel pressured to make a big deal out of this day?  Ladies are very good here about pressure...which we will get to in a minute.  But, guys I know are always scrambling to do something on Valentine's Day solely because it is February 14th...which is all wrong to me.

-->Ridiculously festive people wearing red

On Valentine's Day--and this day only--I go out of my way to make sure that I have nothing red on, not even my boxers.  Nothing!  I got to work today and it seemed like every person in the office was wearing red.  Everyone, even some of the men.  Red sweaters, red pants, red-framed glasses, red wristwatches, red belts, red shoes, red blah blah blah blah blah and I wanted to gouge myself!!  It was a sea of blood red and all I wanted to do was drown.  Ironically, I showed up at work in my Ladies Man costume (for pictures of this hilarious costume, e-mail me at work) on Halloween last year and I was one of about 10 people at our 2000-person home office that was in a costume.  This, my friends, seems like a messed-up priority list; I put Halloween WAY above Valentine's Day in terms of holiday fun.  Of course, the one benefit of Valentine's Day is some good-ass candy; my workmate Christine handed out Valentine's Spree hard candies and Ghirardelli chocolate, and it made some of the burning in my eyes go away from red overexposure.

-->Valentine's Day is a woman's holiday

Think about it--all of the pressure for Valentine's Day starts with the ladies.  Every single guy that I talked to in the last week about their plans for Valentine's Day said the same thing about why they were planning to do XYZ with their girlfriend/fiancée/wife:  because they know that if they don't, they can kiss that girl goodbye!  Now, the girls we were talking about, some were more lenient than others.  For some guys, a card and a smile was sufficient.  For others, it better be a damned nice dinner followed by some nighttime...activities to remember.  As an example, Chuck got "off the hook" with Valentine's Day activities this year because he dropped some big coin on that little engagement ring that he bought for his fiancée last November.  But, "off the hook" for him was still flowers, dinner, and a "gick" (gift certificate, GC) to the local spa/tanning salon.  I asked him why he was doing all of this, even given his claim that this would be a slower year on V-Day, and his response was pure guy:

"Cause, man!"

Cause, if he didn't, his fiancée would whoop his white ass all over God's green earth.

-->Singles Awareness Day

The big losers of Valentine's Day are clearly those who are easily influenced by the pressure our popular media creates for singles.  Some of you may have claimed that it really is "no big deal" that you are presently single, but I know the truth--you can only see so many Victoria's Secret commercials with models in lace before you think about how nice it would be to be buying clothes for someone nearly that hot.

Being a single can be very tough on this day; it can be little things, like seeing people around you being even more snuggly than usual out in public parks.  Maybe it is something like what happened to me tonight, where my roommate Keith's girlfriend came to town to surprise him, so being the single guy for the night I was nudged to "make myself scarce" when the couple both came over.  Or, most likely it is the constant questioning from your friends and co-workers who ask, usually in a wink-wink style of cheese reserved solely for talking about relationships, "Who is going to be YOUR valentine for the night?"  When you say you will spend it watching a college basketball game, they look at you like you have just taken an open Three Musketeers bar from a crippled four-year-old girl.  You know the look—head shaking from side to side, looking at you pitifully while giving you the worst guilt trip of all time by just searing their eyes through your chest.  And then they say, "Oh, that's too bad...maybe next year!" 

Then, you reply "Maybe" and go back to your business.  But, you can't remove the image of that person wearing a red leather dress.

 

justin@bellviewmovies.com